أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Please note that the below text is an excerpt from the book “The Seventy Major Sins” by Imam Dhahabi (RA). I wish the readers look at the broader picture without opening doors to shaitan and negative thoughts. Know that Allah SWT is the Most Merciful and the Most Just. 

Allah, Most High says,

{As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them first. Next refuse to share their beds and lastly beat them (lightly). If they return to obedience, seek not means against them (of annoyance); for Allah is Most High, great (above you all).} (An-Nisa’: 34)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

When a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, if he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Another version from Al-Bukhari and Muslim is,

“When a woman does not spend the night in her husband’s bed, and refuses him then He who is in heaven (i.e. Allah) remains displeased with her, till her husband has reconciled with her.” (Muslim)

Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) related,

“There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted by Allah, nor do any good deed of theirs risen up to heaven: a fleeing slave until he returns to his master and helps him, a woman whose husband is angry with her until he is pleased with her, and a drunkard until he becomes conscious.” (Ibn Hibban)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“The first things a woman is called to account for on the Day of Judgment are her prayers and her (relations with her) husband.” (As-Suyuti in Al-Jami Al-Kabir)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“It is not lawful for a woman to fast (voluntarily) when her husband is present, except by his permission nor permit anyone into his house except with his permission.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Had it been permissible that a person prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife prostrate herself before her husband.” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Ahmad)

Hussain Ibn Muhsan’s aunt mentioned her husband to the Prophet (pbuh) who said,

“Evaluate yourself concerning your husband for he is you Paradise or Hell-Fire.” (Ahmad and Al-Hakim)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, while she is unable to do without him.” (Al-Hakim)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Whoever leaves her husband’s house (without his permission), the angels curse her until she returns or repents.” (Al-Mundhiri in At-Targhib wa At-Tarhib)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Al-Hakim)

Thus, it is obligatory for a woman to respond to her husband anytime and anywhere unless she has a legal excuse, menstruation or the like.

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread (cooking food).” (Tirmidhi)

It is unlawful to approach a woman during the time of her menstruation as stated by Allah:

{Keep away from women in their curses, and do not approach them until they are clean} (Al-Baqarah: 222)

The Prophet said,

“Whoever has intercourse with a woman during her period has disbelieved in what has been revealed upon Muhammad.” (Reported before)

“He who has intercourse with a woman during her period or sodomizes her is accursed.” (Reported before)

This also applies to post natal bleeding.

A woman should keep in mind that there are some rights towards her husband she should observe. She should not spend of his money, or do anything without permission. She also should not revile or disgust him.

Al-Asma’i recounted, once I was passing by a desert and as met a very beautiful woman who had an ugly husband. I asked her, how did you accept him a husband? She said, give me your ear! He might have kept a good relation with Allah and thus He made me a reward to him. On the other hand, I might have disobeyed Allah and thus he made him my punishment.

‘Aishah said, “O women, had you known your husbands’ rights, any woman among you would have wiped dust from her husband’s shoes on her face”

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Your heavenly wife is the kind who, when her husband hurts comes close to her husband, puts her hand in his and says, I’ll never sleep until you are pleased.” (Al-Haithami)

A woman should also be: loyal before her husband, lower her gaze before him, keep silent when he speaks, stand when he comes, or leaves, offer herself when he sleeps, perfume herself, brush her teeth (with Siwak), be adorned in his accompany, leave aside what annoys him in his presence like slandering or in absence like treachery in bed, property or home, honor his family and kinsmen, and be content of what he brings however little.

A woman who fears Allah should do her best to obey Allah and her husband and seek his pleasures because he himself is her paradise or hell fire. The Prophet said,

“If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.”

“If a woman performs the five (prayers), fasts the month (of Ramadan) and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise from any gate she wants.” (Ahmad)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Birds in the sky, whales in the water, angels in the heaven, the sun and the moon will all ask Allah to forgive women who obey their husbands so long as they are pleased with them. If a woman disobeys her husband she entails the curse of Allah, the angels and all people. If a woman makes her husband frown, Allah’s wrath is upon her until she makes him laugh and pleased. If a woman leaves her husband’s house without his permission, the angels curse her until she returns or repents.”

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“There are four women in Paradise and they are: a chaste and an obedient one to Allah and her husband, patient, content, coy, and reproductive who guards her husband’s property and herself in his absence and holds her tongue in his presence. A widow who devotes her life for her children and does not marry lest they fail. As for the four women of Hell -fire.” “The woman who has a shrew tongue and is vulgar towards her husband, who does not guard herself in his absence and injures him with her tongue in his presences. The one who charges her husband burdens greater than he can bear. The one who shows herself to men and goes out doors displaying her beauty. The one who does not concern herself except with food, drink and sleep. Further she is not eager to pray or to obey Allah and her husband, such a woman who in addition to that, leaves her husband’s home without his permission is accursed by the people of fire until she repents to Allah.” (Bukhari)

He also said,

“Having had a look at the fire, I found that most of its people are women. This is because, they do not always obey Allah, his Messenger and their husband’s and display their beauty to other than their husbands.” (Reported before)

“A woman is Awrah. Whenever she goes outdoors, Satan receives her.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban and Abu Dawud)

The closer a woman is to Allah, the longer she stays in her home.

The Prophet said,

“A woman is privacy. Thus, hold her at home. Because, if she is about to go out door, and her kinsmen ask where are you going? She says, ‘I’ll visit a patient, or I’ll attend a funeral. Satan keeps on tempting her until she leaves the house. Thus, if a woman seeks Allah’s pleasure, it is better to her to stay home, worship Allah and obey her husband.” (Ibn Hajar Al-Haith ami in Majma’ Al-Zawa’id)

Ali said to his wife, Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them both), “O Fatimah, what is the best thing for a woman? She answered, “not to see men or be seem by them”. Ali also said, “Do you not grow jealous! When you let your wives walk among men and see each other!”

Once’ Aishah and Hafsa were sitting with the Prophet (pbuh) when Umm Maktum who was blind came there.

“The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Cover yourselves from him.” They replied, “We submit, O Messenger of Allah! Is he not blind and cannot see to recognize us. On this the Prophet (pbuh) said, But you are not blind and can see him.” (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi and Ahmad)

Thus, both men and women should not look at each other except because of necessity. Once there was a woman who used to display her beauty when she went outdoors. After her death, her kinsmen saw her in a dream standing before Allah dressed in transparent clothes. Then the wind blew and exposed her.

Accordingly, Allah rejected her and said take her leftward to the Hell-Fire since she was displaying her beauty to the world.

Ali Ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) said,

“1 came to the Prophet accompanied with Fatimah but We noticed him weeping vehemently. I said, “I sacrifice you with my father and mother, Messenger of Allah. Why do you weep?” He said, “O Ali, in the night Journey (Isra) when I was taken up to the sky, I saw some women of my nation suffering some types of torture. Therefore, I wept because of their sever tortures. I saw a woman who was hanging from her hair and her brain was boiling. Another Woman was hanging from her tongue and a boiling fluid was being poured into her mouth. Another woman whose legs were tied to her breasts and her hands to her forehead and another who was hanging from her breasts. Another whose head was like a pig’s and body like a donkey and suffered million types of torture, and another woman who had the shape of a dog while the fire pierced her month until it left her body from the anus and the angels were also Scourging her with lashes of fire. Upon hearing that, Fatimah asked. O darling and the pleasure of my eyes, what were they doing to Suffer such torture? Then the Prophet said; O daughter, as for the woman who was hanged from hair, she would not cover her hair from men. The woman who was hanged from her tongue used to bring harm to her husband; the one who was hanged from her breasts cumulated her husband’s bed. The woman whose legs were tied to her breasts and hands to forehead and suffering from serpents and scorpions would not clean her body from major impurity or menstruation, and neglected prayer. The woman whose head was like a pig’s and had a donkey’s body was a talebearer and lair. As for the last one, she used to remind recipients of her charity to them and was envious. O daughter, woe to her who disobeys her husband.”

Muadh Ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him) related that the Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Whenever a woman causes annoyance and torture to her husband in this world, his mate from among the hour is of Paradise says to her: may Allah ruin thee, do not cause your husband annoyance, for, he is only your guest, and will soon leave thee to join us in Paradise.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban, Ahmad and Ad-Dailami)

Similarly, a husband is commanded to treat his wife kindly and tenderly. He should also be patient if she mistreats him. Food, clothes and kind treatment are also binding for a man to give to his wife. Allah the Almighty says,

{But consort with them in kindness} (An-Nisa’: 19)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Listen! Treat women kindly, they are like prisoners in you hands. Beyond this do not use anything from them. If they are guilty of flagrant misbehaviors, you can remove them from your beds and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe punishment. Then, if they obey you, you do not have recourse to anything else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike to trample your bed and do not permit them to enter your home.” (Tirmdhi and Ibn Hibban)

The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“The best of you is whoever treats his wife kindly.” (At- Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban and Ibn Majah)

The Prophet (pbuh) used to treat women very tenderly. He (pbuh) said,

“Whoever remains patient with regards to the misbehavior of his wife, Allah will give him a reward as great as Ayub’s for his affliction. Likewise, if a woman keeps patient with regards to the misbehavior of her husband, Allah will give her a reward as great as ‘Aishah’s Bint Muzahim, (the Pharaoh’s wife).” (Al-Hakim in Al-Mustadrak)

Once, there was a man who came to ‘Umar to complain about the misbehavior of his wife. While he was waiting for ‘Umar by the door, he heard ‘Umar’s wife speaking to him indecently but ‘Umar was keeping silent. Thereupon, the man went back and said, “If this is the case of ‘Umar who was decisive and he was also the Commander of the Believers what about me?” Then ‘Umar went out and noticed him leaving. He called him and said, “What do you want?” The man said, “O Commander of the Believers, I came to complain about my wife’s misconduct and her indecency towards me but when I heard your wife I went back and said what about me?” ‘Umar then said, “O brother, I endured her misbehavior for some rights upon me to her: she cooked my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes and suckles my babies. She is not required to do such work. Furthermore, my heart is repelled from the unlawful because of her. Thereby, I endured her. “So is my wife, Commander of the Believers” the man said

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99 Responses to “47. A Wife’s Rebellion Against Her Husband”


  1. 1 Shifan March 31, 2012 at 7:02 am

    MashAllah, My heart is so pleased, I pray for you (the up-loader/writer) that Allah subhanwatala gives you Jannat-ul-Firdaus for sharing such an informative article.
    Plz also pray for me :)

  2. 3 Sarah April 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Asalaamu Alaykum

    I am quite surprised that so many people list hadiths, traditions, verdicts, fatwas etc but often neglect to list the source.

    I would like you to post the exact source of this narration:

    Ali Ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) said,

    “1 came to the Prophet accompanied with Fatimah but We noticed him weeping vehemently. I said, “I sacrifice you with my father and mother, Messenger of Allah. Why do you weep?” He said, “O Ali, in the night Journey (Isra) when I was taken up to the sky, I saw some women of my nation suffering some types of torture. Therefore, I wept because of their sever tortures. I saw a woman who was hanging from her hair and her brain was boiling. Another Woman was hanging from her tongue and a boiling fluid was being poured into her mouth. Another woman whose legs were tied to her breasts and her hands to her forehead and another who was hanging from her breasts. Another whose head was like a pig’s and body like a donkey and suffered million types of torture, and another woman who had the shape of a dog while the fire pierced her month until it left her body from the anus and the angels were also Scourging her with lashes of fire. Upon hearing that, Fatimah asked. O darling and the pleasure of my eyes, what were they doing to Suffer such torture? Then the Prophet said; O daughter, as for the woman who was hanged from hair, she would not cover her hair from men. The woman who was hanged from her tongue used to bring harm to her husband; the one who was hanged from her breasts cumulated her husband’s bed. The woman whose legs were tied to her breasts and hands to forehead and suffering from serpents and scorpions would not clean her body from major impurity or menstruation, and neglected prayer. The woman whose head was like a pig’s and had a donkey’s body was a talebearer and lair. As for the last one, she used to remind recipients of her charity to them and was envious. O daughter, woe to her who disobeys her husband.”

    Also I would like you to put forward evidence that the above narration is deemed verifiable and legitimate source on Islam. Possibly Ulema’s opinion on it. As well the hadith collection it is listed in. Exact book, page, chapter and number of hadith will be needed.

    Thank you

    • 4 theheartopener April 7, 2012 at 6:47 am

      Bismillahirrahmanirraheem
      Walaikum Assalam Warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
      If a layman writes some ahadeeth, fatwa etc, I agree there is a serious problem but whatever you have quoted is from the book ‘Kitab al kaba-ir’ by Imam Dhahabi (RA) and thus source is given and it is mentioned here https://theheartopener.wordpress.com/sins/list-of-major-sins/
      Imam Dhahabi (RA) is a well known muhaddit and a student of Ibn Taymiyyah (RA). This book has been very well recognized. If you have any further doubt, you should ask a scholar about this book. As a layman, I dont have to analyse every hadeeth quoted by reputed muhaditeen.
      Thanks
      wassalam

  3. 5 Mumen Ali June 19, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    My wife lied to police saying I hit her I did not then I was put in prison for two months she left with 2 children I feel so angry she also cused my mum dad she did this all becuse of money il feel heart broken

  4. 6 Xateen October 10, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Salam to all my sister and brothers
    I’ve been hurt many many times because of my husband. He cheated on me many many times. I’m a good Muslim alhamdolila. How can I can forgive him how can after what he did to me. To obey him. I have always been good wife to him. And him self tell me that all the time. I’m so depress and so hurt I’m so angry I’m so sad. For what he put me thought

    • 7 Xateen October 10, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      I’ve been marred for 11 years we have for beautiful healthy kids thank to Allah for that. My husband was working over sea for long time he was making good money alhamdolila everything was going great. And I was stay home taking care of my kids and managing everything around my house. When my husband come back from over sea one day he was on her laptop for long time. For one min he went out side I run to see who he’s talking to. So I see he was talking to this non Muslim marred women. He was telling her how she was so beautiful with red dress and I wanted it to do it behind you but I never had a chance. She replay ohh that was only one time but I never had that with my husband. I was heart broken I was Hurd all I deed was crying. Then next time he come back for vacation I look at he’s wallet there was open condom in he’s wallet I was hurt again. Then one day I look through he’s picture he was holding one women hand like husband and wife do I was hurt again. Then another time I Hurd he had ask he’s mother if he can bring another wife. But if corse he’s mother didn’t let him. I was in shock and hurt again. Then one day I was cleaning he’s car I saw used condom in he’s car. Again I was burning. Then one day I read he’s txt message a non Muslim girl ask him if she can get a hotel ready. I was hurting again. It will go on and on if I say all the things he did to me. I love my husband so much I can’t leave with out him. I have never told this to anyone only allah know. I’m a very strung women thank to Allah. I have never did anything to hurt my husband. I would not give my husband for a world. I always ask my self why he did all those things to me. I never did anything to deserve this punishment. Then I’ll say alhamdolila it can’t be worth. When he was over sea working then he finally come back for good alhamdolila everything was good. Then my husband got it to business I had to sell everything to put in business. Alhamdolila we lost everything in the business now we can barely pay our Morgage. He’s not making money. If corse I told him about everything he a always say what u talking about or it’s nothing. He always say he was never going to do anything to hurt me. I mean I saw all of it. How can I trust me. I’m so hurt a cry all the time I pray to Allah all the time to num my heart to let me forget it. He always say he will never do anything to Hurd me or my kids witch he love them to much. I’m never told my secret to a single bird. I have today. Because I need help and advise what can I do. A good Muslim should not committed zina it’s not lucky to born Muslim. Alhamdolila. Even 3 days ago he was texting non Muslim to send her picture. What can I do? No one understand how I fell only allah know everything I have in my heart. I cry all the time I can’t even care for my kids. Please pray for us were going thought times now. Please what can I do. When I smiling its fake its all build In in my heart I always pray allah to change him in right path. I have forgave him for what he did to me. Please pray for me and him. I need help. I’m heart broken. I’m sad. I’m tired of him

      • 8 Xateen October 10, 2013 at 12:45 pm

        I’m sorry my English is not really good.

      • 9 Xateen October 10, 2013 at 12:52 pm

        Please remember me in your prayers. Thank you may god bless all Muslim sisters and brother.

      • 10 theheartopener October 16, 2013 at 10:27 pm

        Bismillahirrahmanirrhaeem
        Assalamu alaikum WW
        Sorry for the late reply. Let Allah SWT ease all your affairs. Ameen
        Can you kindly send what you wrote to Sheikh Ebrahim Salejee at mufti@alhaadi.org.za
        inshaaAllah you will get reply in couple of days.
        Here is sheikh’s website
        http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-programmes.html

      • 11 theheartopener February 7, 2014 at 11:13 pm

        Bismillahirrahmanirrhaeem
        jazaakAllahu khayra
        To get the answer, you should ask a spiritual guide.
        Can you kindly send what you wrote to Sheikh Ebrahim Salejee at mufti@alhaadi.org.za
        inshaaAllah you will get reply in couple of days.
        Here is sheikh’s website
        http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-programmes.html

      • 12 Salima August 24, 2015 at 7:37 am

        My dearest sister, you are strong & I think must be beautiful and have many good qualities of a good wife as your husband has not left you & it seems he wants to stay with you & the children. If you love him then for whatever reason Allah swt has placed tolerance & patience in your heart for all his rubbish behavior. The best thing I think is to calmly discuss whatever concerns you have with your husband or even his mother if she is supportive. Be calm & try to be factual when you talk to him, I know it is so difficult but if you scream & shout it will make

      • 13 Salima August 24, 2015 at 7:42 am

        It will make him turn to these other women more perhaps – than he does already . Nothing is you fault, as remember some men are much weaker than others. Just pray for patience. InshAllah Allah will lighten your heart. Read Surah’s Nas, Falaq, Yasin. He will soon get bored & be only with you, but tell him I am your wife whatever you want you should come to me.

      • 14 syedmariam June 15, 2017 at 5:59 am

        dont worry sister,allah is great he will hear our pray,even iam too sailing on the same boat like u,this is my 25yrs of my married life,i was converted from christian to muslim and i have 3 kids ,2 sons and 1 daughter all grown up.today i had a good fight with my hub,and in anger i told him i want to leave u,its enough i cant bear anymore,but on the other hand i love him too,for wharever he had done with me.i dont no what to do i just pray and ask allah to give me patience ,there are so many things to say write,but at present my mind is not working,any way sis takecare almighty allah is great he will take care of us. bye dear
        from : ur sis mariam.b syed

      • 16 Eemaan October 27, 2015 at 5:15 pm

        Assalam alaikum wa rahmatAllah woberakerto, dearest sister Xateen it sound like you love your husband very much but do you love him enough to help him change what haram he is doing? Is he looking to other women because he has a need that is not being satisfied at home? He has the right to marry more than one wife and yet you and his mother forbid it. How can you both forbid something that Allah swt allowed? If you wrote it as a stipulation in your nikkah that he would not take another wife while married to you, and he accepted then thats fine. Otherwise him taking another wife when he could afford it may have helped your situation.

        If you want to help your husband you should stop crying and start talking. Look after yourself well and his children and his house. Pray regularly and get him to pray with you and the children. Invite his parents round to the house more for family meals. Talk to him in a kind way and exlain how his behaviour is haram and how it is unacceptable before Allah swt.

        Pray more yourself and take the lead in learning about your faith so that you can teach him in a kind way. If his behaviour does not improve then involve his family in the hope that they can have some effect on him.

        I really hope you can be strong enough to do these things and to offer him his right to have another wife. It could be once he knows you don’t mind he will be shocked and not want to anyway. Remember whatever you do to save this marriage Allah swt sees it all and will reward you accordingly.

        May Allah swt give you the strength to educate your husband on how to behave in an islamic way. Please look after yourself a husband does not like to see his wife in a bad state that simply pushes him away.
        You will feel better about yourself when you care more about yourself inside and out you will have more confidence and this is a very attractive quality in a woman , to a man.

        Wa Salam

      • 17 Shabaz Athar September 18, 2016 at 5:02 am

        Dear sister

        Talk to him one of one.. let him answer all your worries and issues.. if he try to over smart tell him to get he’ll out his life… this life is not for pondering other life. About kids they will survive as I have survive. So, be selective decision.. some time our heart is also mufti … listen to it inner voice. But remember try to double check with you too.. may be you made to that… or else you did not keep him happy… take care and resolve it

  5. 18 Ayesha Siddiqua December 5, 2013 at 10:40 am

    I am very glade to listen ur Hades.

    Thank you very much for giving a right knowledge with hades .

  6. 19 sana sheraz December 8, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    Asalamo alaikum. i m very depressed these days …because i disobey my husband many times in his absence by spending his money on my family without his knowledge …by having verbal relations with men on net … by having masturbation in his absence…but i never met a man outside my home.now i feel repentence on all my acts…i seek allahs forgivness and how could i satisfied my heart that allah may forgive me…my husband is abroab..i was loyal to him in start i love him so much but he misbehaved me ignored me many times never undertand my feeelings about him.. i always want to saty with him whether he stay here with me or whether he stayed abroab.he said at the time of marriage that he will keep me with him after 2 or three years but its upto 5 years that he left me here at my parents home and its becoming so difficult 4 me to live in such circumstances but he never understands…he just make fake excuses.in start he was not a pious man but now he developed interest in knowing our religion islam deeply and now he become a practising muslim…i also going through the same phase and developed interst in islam and try my best to do good deeds.but my past sins cant make me feel good and i cant sleep throughoutthe night ..i seek llahs forgivness all the time.i leave all my past sins..anf feel repentence.what should i do make allahs happy and make my life after death easy for me

  7. 21 sana sheraz December 8, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    i also need to know is there any sahi hadith that i should reveal all my past sins with my husband to seek his forgivness..may be he hates me after all this or changed his behaviour with me or my married life come to a disadtrous situation.or i should keep silent and try to become a good wife and a piuos woman and seeking my lords forgivness silently throughout my life…

    • 22 nananan March 25, 2014 at 9:04 am

      @sana sheraz, it is not necessary to bring up past sins with anyone and not your husband either esp if those sins were from before your marriage or before you repented and changed. If Allah concealed those sins, then don’t reveal them, unless it is absolutely necessary for some very important reason/cause (though i can’t think of what that may be). your repentance is to Allah alone as well as Allah alone forgives your sins. No one else need to come in between that, it is you and your relationship with Allah. If you are still struggling with past sins and want your husband’s support to overcome your obstacles…then that is another story. But if not, then yes, just keep trying to improve and be the best you can in this chapter of your life.

  8. 23 Rasheed June 19, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    My wife of over five years has broken up with me. I converted to Islam ten years ago. When I met her I never forced my religion on her but always said I would only consider someone that dresses respectful, and she said she always does. Things were great for three years we had two daughters together, but one day she said she has converted to Islam and eventually started were hijab for three months and than one day her friend invited out to go drinking and she took the hijab off and left me and took the kids and said she is never coming back because I have told her if she goes out with her friends she should be back by a reasonably time. We eventually got back together and had another daughter but she never wore hijab again. Two months ago another friend invited her out for a late night I agreed because she said it was in her friends house and again she came back and a week later said our marriage is over claiming loads of little reasons. I’m a bus driver and work many long hours and shift work in four years she has never let me get enough sleep and use survive on a five to six hour sleep a night and sleeping on my breaks. I now been living on my own and when I come to get the kids she is off out with her friends for lunch, she has been wearing less and less clothes every time she is going out and today she wore a dress that was see-thru you could see everything including her knickers and her skin. I’m so heartbroken and fear for my daughters growing up with this women she claims she is still Muslim and forced me to leave a picture of Mecca in our house. Is she confused or have I been lied to from the beginning when I met her she dressed respectful and always commented on people that dress like that. Please brothers and sisters I need some guidance on how to move forward and to ignore what she is doing or becoming

  9. 25 deqa shukzz June 30, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    MashaAllah,the knowledge you have given me, May Allah (swt),grant you good tidings as He promised to the best of Mankind

  10. 26 saira July 1, 2014 at 10:19 am

    After reading a lot about women disobeying being punished all my life. But nothing about men mistreating women I have developed hatred for myself. I do not want to be a woman. There be bad men too. But they are not cursed this way. I have developed heartache I might get a heart attack any time. I have seen a lot of obeying wives and a lot of abusive men in my life. I loathe myself. Although I am 100% good and obedient. We are divorced but he still comes to my house and tells everybody that how good i was. We never had a fight single day and divorced very happily. We still are good with each other. Me being too good with people and not answering back, a lot of people have mistreated me. They only stopped the day I spoke back to them. I was too boring for him. So he has got a interesting woman now. You would say that is his right, but if it was me you would say I should be cursed. I should have compromised for him. In every matter, a woman is put down and he is not. A woman is a slave dog who obeys she does not she is cursed. He must not obey her he will be cursed if he obeyed her. Man who mistreats her is not cursed that much. Next door neighbour man, denied his wife in the bed all the time, and hurt her, you would say she should leave him but he is not cursed. I thought a woman was a lovely being but now I feel she is a lust sex object. Most of the time men deny women in beds. I have been denied by man but no they are not cursed. Only women who deny him.

    • 27 toolstick November 10, 2015 at 1:36 am

      sister please dont ever think like that.all will get fair justics in the day of judgement.
      man and woman,both are equal to the eyes of Almighty Allah.
      maybe you are going through hardship but your thinking is wrong.if someone done wrong with you they will get the result.
      and in Islam the the place of the Woman is higher than the man.what we so often forget is that God has honored the woman by giving her value in relation to God—not in relation to men.only a woman can be a mother. And God has given special privilege to a mother. The Prophet ﷺ taught us that heaven lies at the feet of mothers. But no matter what a man does he can never be a mother.
      sister you should ask forgiveness from Allah
      you should gain more knowledge about the deen and perform it.dont fall on the trap of shaytaan by thinking these kind of thought.
      Allah is your creator ,He Knows what is best for you
      your target should be always Jannah..not this world
      so ask forgiveness from Allah and gain more knowledge bcoz knowledge will make you understand the right thing
      sorry for my bad english
      may the blessings of Allah be on you

    • 28 Pinky December 26, 2015 at 10:14 am

      It is so very true what u have said…I belong to a Muslim family and I know that my father had abused my sister and I was abused by my grand father..men will be men no matter what role they assume..nothing absolutely nothing that men do is taken into account..why should only wives obey. .These hadiths give me a headache ..again n again it’s always about wives..husbands have more rights than wives. .why should we Be so submissive and accept it without questioning…what about our mood or feelings with regard to intercurrent. .I mean there are some days we just don’t feel like doing it.. may be we had a bad day or just want to sleep..so I’m going to be cursed till the day I submit myself sexually to husband n allah will not be pleased even with my prayers…its really disheartening to know what my position às a wife is in islam..even I start to hate myself as a woman…There are days I wish I could have been a man n enjoy all the liberties they have as a husband ,as a father ,as a son etc

      • 29 theheartopener January 26, 2016 at 2:15 pm

        In Islam Are Women Inferior to Men?
        أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم

        بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
        In Islam are Women inferior to men? If so, why?

        Answered by Mufti Ahmed Desai (Damat Barakatuhum):

        Western, liberal and UN-Islamic ideas have distorted your mental vision. What is your conception of inferiority? the Qur’aan says about the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam):

        “These are the messengers. We have given some ranks over (or above) others.”

        Even the Ambiyaa are not equal. Rasulullah is superior in rank to Nabi Musaa . In fact he is superior than all the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam). Thus, in relation to Rasulullah all the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam) are inferior. Hadhrat Jibreel is the highest ranking Angel. In relation to him, Hadhrat Israafeel is inferior. In relation to Qur’aan Shareef, the Hadith is inferior. In relation to the Kab’ah, Masjidun Nabawi is inferior.

        In relation to the elder brother, the younger brother is inferior. In relation to a mother, her son, even if he is a great Aalim and a Saint, is inferior. In relation to a elder sister, the younger brother is inferior. In relation to Hadhrat Abu Bakr , Hadhrat Umar and all the Sahaabah and the entire Ummah are inferior. In raltion to the Ustaadh, his students are inferior. In relation to a Shaikh, his mureeds are inferior whether male or female.

        In every level of society there are ranks and gradations. The concept of blanket equality is a stupid idea of Kuffaar. The husband has been made the chief of the family by Allah Ta’ala. It is his responsibility to maintain and train his wife and children. He has the highest rank in his home. He is superior to his wife and children even if his sons are the greatest saints and he an ignorant farmer.

        Is it an insult to all the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam) to say that they are inferior to Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam)? On the contrary, they all are proud to be the inferior followers of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). Similarly is it with all the ‘inferior’ beings cited above as examples. The Qur’aan categorically states:

        “For men over them (women) is a rank.”

        What problem do you or any Muslim have with this assertion of Allah Ta’ala? the problem is only that westernism and kufr liberalism have imposed on the minds of people that the higher male ranks relegates women to chattlehood. Modernist and deviated Muslims have been made to understand that women in Islam are contemptible; that men are free to abuse and denigrate them. But every Muslim who has even a slight understanding of Islam knows that these western ideas are plain garbage which the enemies of Allah gorge out. Even in Jannat there will be different ranks among all levels of people. When according to Islam even two men are not equal, what is wrong if there is not equality between men and women? But since deceived people have been indoctrinated to believe that ‘inferiority’ means contemptibility, they feel awkward with Islamic teachings.

        A woman with her piety can surpass any man in rank by Allah Ta’ala. By Allah Ta’ala, the criterion of superiority is Taqwa. Innumerable women will have higher ranks by Allah Ta’ala than males on account of their Taqwa. Every Mu’min is aware of the lofty rank of Hadhrat Aisha (radhiyallahu anha). She was the Ustaadh of numerous Sahaabah. She was the most beloved Wife of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhis salaam). She will be entering Jannat centuries before numerous male Sahaabah. What idea will you now gain when it is said that she is inferior to her husband. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhis salaam)? Is any contempt implied for her by this claim? We in fact say that contempt for her is Kufr. Thus, gradations in society are the creation and command of Allah Ta’ala. The Khalifah, sultan or king may be a corrupt and immoral man. But, the Shariah commands obedience to him in all his lawful orders. His rank is superior to others here on earth.

        In Islam woman is not inferior to man interms of the concocted meaning ascribed to ‘inferiority’ by the wester kuffaar enemies of Islam.

        http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?86772-In-Islam-Are-Women-Inferior-to-Men/page2

  11. 30 Erin January 30, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Allhamduliluh💚 repent and pray for forgiveness from Allah for he is most merciful and seek back to obedience of your husbands.

  12. 31 Ha April 6, 2015 at 1:00 am

    Zawjati, I love you and i am sorry the way I am. I hope we can remove our differences and stau together forever Ameen Ameen Ameen. Miss you loads. HA

  13. 32 Abu Hamza May 24, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim,
    May Allah (SWT) Grant you His mercy and all the blessings inshallah.Let this information be an eye opener for our muslim ladies and our wives mostly inshaallah. WABILLAHI TWAFIQ

  14. 33 Ansari Mohammad August 30, 2015 at 10:05 am

    ‘Aishah said, “O women, had you known your husbands’ rights, any woman among you would have wiped dust from her husband’s shoes on her face”(please give reference of this hadees narrations and book taken from)

    • 34 Shahnaz July 27, 2016 at 12:33 am

      Why do people make such baseless allegations against pious women.
      Such ghastly statement must have never been made by Aaisha ra

    • 35 Nk April 10, 2017 at 10:55 am

      I kind of feel angry when people suddenly jump to husband right of second marriage why don’t they think wife’s right when he is not fulfilling it? He was on Sea and was not spending time with her which is her right. He reduced her position to a house maid who is supposed to take care of house and kids. Is it not her right get a helping hand in that so she can give her self sometime? Being married How can he commit such sin instead of turning to his for his need? How some one can justify his right of more wivez than his punishment for sin? Let s say if the wife does the same How many would point out the Husband flaws here? If so much you r taking about his islam- right of pural marriage then why not talk about islam punishment for his sins which is stonning or lashes
      And more over the hadeeth putting dust of husband shoe on face is fake

  15. 36 Linda Kloss September 4, 2015 at 7:54 am

    I am feeling sooo happy to not be a muslim woman, having to obey any man. makes me want to vomit.

  16. 37 shahid shah September 15, 2015 at 3:30 am

    my muslim wife hates me so much I don’t know what to do//for 35 years she refuses intimacy/ I love her and live a life all alone//I have give her a house to live in //money to spent/ holidays expences well every thing make her comfortable//when I see her hating me I just melt like an ice cube//I don’t hit her nor am I rude to // I am gentle kind person///when I try to discuss the issue/ she becomes histirical with rage and picks up shoes and starts hitting me// I just don’t know what a poor husbands to do//I notice she has lots of emails from other Pakistani men and she spends ages on her mobile // she puts on the best dresses that I buy her and goes out with out a word to me and comes lhome late in after noon//// she does not go out with me when I ask her politely// she refuces councelling say don’t bring sheikh from mosque to reconcile as I will tell him off and will be abusive you have been warned////my name is shahid//my wifes name is tallat// can you advise please///

    • 38 theheartopener October 9, 2015 at 6:43 pm

      Bismillahirrah,anirraheem
      You should contact a pious elder and seek his help. Let Allah SWT improve your affairs. ameen

    • 39 Anne December 26, 2015 at 1:24 pm

      Aussalamu Alaikum Brother,
      Greetings from Wisconsin. This is what I mainly see here in the U.S. There are many ethnic Muslims that don’t follow Islam, but many American Muslim converts follow Islam more closely. Another facts is that the very good and lovely wives are mistreated by wicked husbands and very religious husbands have dreadful wives. I am an American convert and I am not treated well by my husband, Walahi. There is recourse for these matters. My God your wife is lucky to have you for a husband. Many of us sister’s would love to be cared for in such a beautiful way. May Allah ease your suffering and Bless you abundantly.

    • 40 SisterofIslam October 7, 2017 at 7:24 pm

      Dear Brother Shahid,
      You should have divorced your wife a long time ago. You cannot love her because if you do you love evil. Please read your prayers 5 times a day , read and listen to Quran as much as you can as your heart will find peace. Allah is aware of everything. Maybe he will give you a pious and beautiful wife in the hereafter. Spend as much as you can on charity as you will get more reward than spending on a evil wife. Focus on Allah not your wife as she will take you to hell as well. Life in this world is temporary. Put your trust in Allah only to guide you.
      I will pray for you brother.

  17. 41 Akhtar said September 19, 2015 at 6:35 am

    Send me more hadisth daily fatwa

  18. 42 toolstick November 10, 2015 at 1:40 am

    Maa Shaa Allah
    Jazakhallah khair for this beneficial post.
    may Allah bless you and reward you with good
    keep me in your prayers

  19. 43 degr8sid December 1, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    What about the times when wife do everything yet husband is still ungrateful and always blames her for things she never committed? Any hadiths regarding this matter?
    Also when mother-in-law interferes and creates disputes between her son and wife?

  20. 44 Pinky December 26, 2015 at 9:57 am

    Why is islam so biased against wives

  21. 46 Salim Goosen January 19, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    I am newly converted Muslim. I need advice. I am stuck in South Africa, my wife in Kenya. I have just been thru a big finacial disaster, losing everything. Previously been able to treat her like a queen, giving her everything. Now suddenly she has cut me off. Won’t take my calls, yet she is daily on whatsapp and other social media chatting to other men. Goes out dressing provocatively. Posts provocative profile pics. I am confused and hurt. I converted as i wanted to believe in thd God she believed in. We always prayed together. Now she has excuses. I need advice. What can i tell her from the Quran to correct her or what must i do. Financially i cant fly home to save my marriage. I need Gods help to shame the devil.

  22. 48 theheartopener January 26, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    Some Questions that affect women
    Hanafi Fiqh > Darulihsan.com
    Print This Answer

    1. Why do I have to obey my husband at all times? …especially if he doesn’t have to listen to me. How is this fair? Why is what he wants the bottom line?

    2. How come only the husband can give divorce? What if the woman wants a divorce? She can’t get one just because her husband doesn’t want to divorce her?

    3. As far as staying in her house is concerned. Muslim scholars say that women should sit in their homes as much as possible and only come out if there’s a necessity. How is this fair?
    A woman should stay in her home the whole day; cook and clean take care of the children obey her husband and stay in her home. This is their definition of a good muslim woman. What’s the difference between her and a slave then? Can’t the woman ever go out of her house? Doesn’t she deserve to get some fresh air?
    I understand a mahram needs to be with her, fine a mahram is with her but even with a mahram she should only go out if she has necessity? How is this fair?

    4. Does a wife have to live with her in-laws? I don’t know whether you know what a woman has to go through if she has to live with her in-laws. Why? And how is living with in-laws islamic? Why does a muslim wife have to serve and obey her in-laws? Respect them, okay, but why should I obey them? Why should i work for them and then be abused for it too?

    5. Why is a man allowed to hit his wife in Islam? How is this fair?

    6. This is off topic, but i really need the answer. Has jihad become fard-e-ain? Or is it still fard-e-kifayah? Are we allowed to live in countries like the US or Canada who support Israel and help to kill our muslim brothers and sisters in Palestine and other places? If we aren’t allowed to live in these countries then can a sister make hijrat without a mahram?

    7. Why is a man allowed to go to university, but a woman not? The excuse often given by mufties is that the man needs to get a job and the women doesn’t and that universities are places of fitna and it is better for a women to stay at home. I ask that if universities are places of fitna for women then aren’t they places of fitna for men? As far as a man getting a job is concerned then he doesn’t have to go to university to get a job does he?? Allah is ar-razzaq a man shouldn’t compromise his deen just to get a job in this world. He can get a job without going to university. Also what about alternatives to university on campus? Universities now offer courses online, men and women can both learn from their homes away from the fitna. But i ask why this unfair judgment. when I read fatwas like this i feel it undermines women. I always read that islam says men and women are equal and then i read all this and i feel…what’s right? Who’s right? How are you providing women the rights islam has given them? You’re taking them away from us. Will you not be answerable for this on the Day of Judgment?

    8. Can a women travel with a mahram from say Britain, Canada, or US to South Africa to study in a darul uloom? How and why is this allowed, if a woman can go outside only if there’s absolute necessity otherwise she shouldn’t?

    Jazakallahu Khayran

    A:
    Respected Sister in Islam

    As Salaamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh

    Haamidaw wa Musalliyaa

    Your query below refers;

    I have reviewed your questions which largely appear to be based on some misconceptions in matters of the teachings of the Shariah. I commend you for raising these issues in an effort to understand the truth and recommend the following:

    1. That you study the Tafseer, Ma’ariful Quran by Mufti Muhammad Shafi Sb (R.A.) preferably at the hands of an Allah conscious Aalim/Aalima who is one that practices upon the Sunnah. This will Inshallah guide you adequately in a very balanced manner.

    2. That you study the following books that may be viewed on the following links. These books are those of Maulana Hakim Muhammad Akhtar Sb (D.B.) who is a great saint of our times. http://www.khanqah.org/books/show/rights-of-women

    http://www.khanqah.org/books/show/the-rights-of-husband

    In terms of your specific queries, a brief response to them is included individually hereunder.

    1. Islam is a religion that has guided us in every aspect of our lives. Practicing upon these guidelines will prove beneficial to ourselves, whereas going against these guidelines will be detrimental to us alone. All the teachings of the Shariah are for our benefit and the benefit of the society at large. Allah (SWT) does not benefit by us practicing upon the teachings of the Shariah.

    Amongst the guidelines of the Shariah are, that it has given some members of society or family status above others and that they be respected and obeyed. However, this status that Islam has afforded certain people, is only to assist people in the smooth running of their affairs in this World. It, in no way ensures a lofty status for them in terms of the hereafter, if they are disobedient to the laws of Allah (SWT). Similarly, together with the status, that Islam gives certain individuals, Islam has placed certain responsibilities and duties upon them that they are duty bound to fulfill. Each person is entitled to certain rights and has to fulfill certain obligations and responsibilities.

    With respect to a marriage and family life, Islam has taught us that for all practical purposes, the husband is the head of the family. He is responsible to steer and guide the family towards the fulfillment of the teachings of the Shariah without breaking it apart and to maintain the family in as far as their Worldly requirements are concerned. This is a huge responsibility that husbands have upon their shoulders. Together with this responsibility, the rest of the family is required to assist the husband/father in fulfilling his responsibility by co-operating with him and obeying his commands. This does not mean that the husband should behave like a dictator. Rather, the husband is required to go about his duties in an affectionate manner and through consultation with the rest of the family. However, once the husband has made a decision which should not be against the Shariah and is not unreasonable as well, then the rest of the family should fulfill this request of the husband/father which would Inshallah be for the greater benefit of the family. Notwithstanding this, if the family has a different opinion in certain matters, these should be raised with love and respect and the husband, too is required to consider these respects.

    Of course, when it comes to matters that are against the teachings of the Shariah then we are not obliged to follow any such request.

    2. Allah (SWT) in his infinite wisdom gave the right to effect a divorce to man alone, in whom the ingredients of thought, end-perception and forbearance are more pronounced than in a woman. This free choice was not given in the hands of women so that the disposition of being overtaken by transitory emotions, which is more pronounced in women as compared to men, may not become the cause of divorce.

    But women too, are not totally deprived of this right lest they are left with no alternaive but to keep groaning under the cruelty of her husband. She was given the right to seek a divorce or a khula from her husband. She could offer to pay a sum of money to the husband in lieu of her release from the marriage. (adapted from Ma’ariful Quraan)

    Of course khula also has specific injunctions and rulings which are to be applied. Further, when entering into the marriage or at anytime thereafter, a woman may seek that the husband delegates his right to divorce to the woman herself (which is not preferred) or to a third party which is preferably a body of Ulama or other competent persons. She is also given the right to take her case to a court presided by a judge who qualifies as such under the rules of Sharia, present her complaint, prove her case and get the marriage annulled or secure a divorce. In case a Muslim judicial system does not exist in a certain country, the woman may take her case to a tribunal of learned people to could exercise the same procedures adopted by an Islamic court and annul the marriage.

    3. Allah, out of His infinite wisdom, has taught, that woman should remain within their home as far as possible and if they require to go out then they could do so provided they adopt the Hijaab and Pardah. This guideline does not mean that women are not alowed to leave their homes at all. Rather, all it means, is that a woman should remain with the confines of her home and should not leave the home unnecessarilly. If she is to leave the home due to some necessity, she is required to don the hijaab for her own benefit and that of the community at large.

    Again, if one were to analyse this guideline of the Shariah, the beneficiaries of acting upon it, are we ourselves. Allah (SWT) does not benefit from such commands in anyway. The harms that have engulfed society, in the form of rapes, promiscuity, pornography, adultery, fornication and the like, are not hidden from us. As such, we should consider the kindness of the Shariah upon us by guiding us in this manner rather, than cosidering these commands to be hindrances and obstacles in our path to progress. An Urdu poet has mentioned, ” Take us into your prison so that we may be free”. In other words, true imancipation, freedom, success and progress lies in chaining oneself up in the shackles of the Shariah. I also recommend that you study in particular the commentary of Surah Nur and Surah Ahzaab, from Ma’ariful Quran.

    4. A woman does not have to stay with her in laws. This is not a directive of the Shariah. However, if circumstances are such that one is required to live with one’s in laws, then niether should the inlaws consider it their right that the daughter inlaw obey them nor should the daughter inlaw unduely neglect them. There should be understanding and affection from both sides. The following few points may assist one in such a situation or other similar situations in life:

    a) Whatever one does or says (both inlaws and daughter inlaw) should be for the pleasure of Allah (SWT). If one feels that Allah (SWT) may not be pleased with a certain statement or action abstain from it. DO FOR ALLAH’s PLEASURE! HE WILL GIVE YOU FROM HIS TREASURE!

    b) Do not say or do anything on the basis of you egos or emotions. This will guide you in all aspects of life.

    c) Do not have expectations of anyone.

    d) Try your best to please your inlaws. Do not raise anything directly with them as far as possible. Raise any concerns you may have with your husband, with wisdom and kind words.

    e) Remember, if we say the right thing, in the right manner, with the right intention and on the right occasion it will have the right effect.

    f) Each person should focus on his/her duties rather than their rights. If we fulfill our responsibilities, our rights will Inshallah take care of themselves.

    5. You have referred to verse 34 of Surah Nisa. Verse 34 opens with an important statement which has been translated as “men stand caretakers of women”. Qawwaam, qayyam or qayyim in Arabic denotes a person who holds the responsibility or has the duty and charge to manage a job or run a system or take care of what has to be done about something, controlling all related factors therein. The standard role of man, with regard to women, has been mentioned in this verse through the word , “qawwaam” . It is obvious that, for any group-living, big or small, or for any organised system, it is rationally and customarilly necessary that the group or system have some head or chief or authority so that he can arbitrate in the event of a difference and take decisions to run affairs smoothly. This need is there also in as far as families are concerned and Allah (SWT) in his infinite wisdom, elected men for this responsibility because their natural capabilities are more profound that those of women and children.

    The message from this verse and other verses is that the rights of women are as incumbent upon men as the rights of men are upon women, and the rights of both are similar to eachother with the exception that men have a certain precedence in functional authority, although this too is hemmed with other balancing factors. As explained in other verses of the Holy Quran, this mantle of authority placed on the shoulders of men is not that of a dictator and a tyrant. While exercizing this authority, man is bound by the supreme law of Islam, the Shariah. He must act on the principle of consultation and follow good councel. He just cannot act at the spur of his whim or his wild instincts. THe command given to him is: و عاشروهن بالمعروف, treat women well, as recognized.

    This aspect of mutual consultation also appears in verse 233 of Surah Baqarah. Here men have been instructed to act in consultation with wives in family affairs. After this clarification, the technical authority of man should not be a source of heart-burning for women. Still, in view of the probability that women may take this arrangement unhappily, Allah (SWT) explained two reasons for giving men this authority. One reason relates to the wisdom of creation which is beyond the control of any human being, and the other refers to a factor which comes through one’s efforts and endeavours.

    The first reason has been mentioned in the words: بما فضل الله بعضهم على بعض, which means that Allah (SWT) has caused some to excell others in qualities under his exclusive wisdom and consideration. In other words this is a God given grace. Men have done nothing to get it and there is nothing wrong with women that they do not have it. It is simply based on the wisdom of creation , and exclusive privalege of the Creator.

    The second reason relates to what is achieved with an effort. This reason is pointed out by the words, وبما انفقوا من اموالهم, which means that men spend their money, pay dower and take responsibility of fulfilling all the needs of women. Hence, the precedence.

    After mentioning the qualities of a good wife, the verse thereafter turns to women who are either straight disobedient to their husbands or fail to co-operate with them in running family affairs in the recognised manner. The Holy Quran gives men three methods of correcting their behaviour. These are to be followed in the order they have been mentioned. So, the verse says, that if you fear or face disobedience from women, the first step towards their correction is that you should talk it over with them nicely and softly. Still, if they remain adamant and do not change their attitude by conciliatory council alone, the next step is not to share the same bed with them, so that they may realize the displeasure of the husband as expressed through this sybolicseparation, and may feel sorry for their conduct. The Holy Quran uses the words, في المضاجع, at this point, meaning ‘in beds’. It is from here that Muslim jurists have deduced that this staying apart should be limited to ‘beds’ and not to the ‘house’ itself. In other words, the woman should not be left alne in the house, something which is bound to hurt her feeling much more and which makes the possibility of further straining of relations far stronger.

    A companion reports:
    I said: ‘ O Messenger of Allah, what right do our wives have on us?’ He said, ‘that you feed them when you eat, provide them with apparels to wear when you have these for yourselves, and do not hit the face, and do not say abuses to her, and do not leave them apart unless it be within the house.’ (Mishkaat, p 281)

    If this gentle admonition fails to produce any effect, some corrective form of a litte ‘beating’ has been allowed as a last resort, of course, in a manner that does not affect the body nor goes to the undesirable limits of hurt or injury to the skin or bones. As for slapping or hitting the face it is absolutely forbidden.

    The first two methods of admonition, that is seeking to convince and leaving apart in beds, are more or less an exercise in nobility against arrogant lack of compromise. Prophets and their righteous followers have spoken in favour of it. That they practised what the preached is also a proven fact. But, this third method of admonition, i.e. light ‘beating’, has been permitted as a forced option in a particular mode. Right along with this option given to men, it appears in the Hadith:, ولن يضرب خياركم, which means that ‘good men among you will never beat women’. Thus, such an action is nowhere reported from the Blessed Prophets of Allah.

    In short, the principle of family life given in the first sentence of this verse is that, despite the rights of men and women being equal in almost everything, there is, for men, a certain precedence laced with authority vis-avis women, and they operate thereunder. Under this basic principle, there can be tw classes of women in practical life. One of them stands by this basic principle, abided by her covenant, accepted the functional authority of man and obeyed him in deference of the wise divine arrangement. The other class of women are those who failed to live by this principle in its fullness. As for the first category, it provides for itself a perfect guarantee of family peace and well being which does not need any correction. However, the second category of women require correction. For this purpose, the second sentence of the verse offers a compact system which would help correct things within the four walls of the house. (Adapted from Ma’ariful Qur’aan)

    6. Jihaad is fardh in some places, whereas in other this is not the case. With regards to staying in a non-Muslim state, it is not Haraam for one to settle in such states with the correct intentions. However, one should perform Istikhaara and consult with a senior person who is aware of one’s circumstances who will be able to advise one accordingly and thereafter allow one to make an informed decision. However, if one fears that one will be unable to practice upon the fundementals of the Shariah at such a place, then settling there would be objectionable.

    7. Indeed, men too should stay away from places of fitna and if they are able to undertake correspondence learning then this should be done over attending universities that have become places of great fitna and endanger the beliefs and actions of people. However, if there is no such correspondence course available then out of necessity a man may be allowed to attend a university in accordance with necessity provided that he fulfills all the dictates of the Shariah and abstains from all sins. The same applies to women who require to undertake a course, such as medicine, where there are no female only colleges available and the Muslim community requires female medicale practitioners. However, both men and women should undertake such a step y consultation with senior Ulama and whilst adopting the laws of hijaab etc.

    8. In principle, it is not corect for a woman to travel without a Mahram even if it is to study at a Darul Uloom.

    I trust that the above has addressed some of your queries. May Allah (SWT) grant all of us the true understanding of the Shariah and allow us al to realize that these regulations are for our own benefit. Aameen. I also recommend that you consult some Allah Concious Aalim who adheres to the Sunnah in matters such as these. May Allah (SWT) grant you every bit of success in this world and the next. Aameen.

    And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

    Was Salaam

    Shafiq Jakhura (Mufti)
    Fatwa Dept.
    http://islamqa.org/hanafi/darulihsan/76542

  23. 49 Maryam January 30, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    What will happen in the case husband torture wife , give rights to husband sister and wife is just to use it , tortures to wife a lot there is no law for husband only for man, what about the feeling of wife

    • 50 theheartopener February 1, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Bismillahirrahmanirraheem
      Sister do not let shaitan to give negative thoughts about Islam. Allah SWT is the most just and Merciful. Suppose a man sees some evil in his wife, Allah SWT out of immense mercy towards the womenfolk is recommending on behalf oh her and has descended an ayat from above the seven heavens to overlook her and to see the good in her, Will Allah SWT approve any sort of oppression against the women? Also we know our Huzur SAW is the best among all the creations and beloved to Allah SWT and a merciful Prophet. To that Prophet SAW, Allah SWT has made women as one of three beloved things to him. Even during his SAW death bed, he was worried about women and instructed people not to do any zulm on them. Do not let shaitan to put negative opinion. Turn yiur attention to Allah SWT and seek His help and see how He responds. There is no screen between Allah and the duas of oppressed. If with sabr you pray in a positive way in shaa Allah it would be more helpful. There are many incidents where situations have changed and men became righteous due to the duaa of wife. Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy. Have complete tawakkul in Allah SWT. keep in touch with righteous people.
      Let Allah SWT help you out of the situation. ameen

      • 51 Tarina February 2, 2016 at 8:30 am

        AsSalamu Alaikum,

        Please do not advise the sisters in a way that they feel that they are wrong because they want the abuse from their husbands to STOP. Yes it is wonderful to make dua. But, the responsibility of these brothers is a great task put onto them by Allah(SWT). They must fulfill their obligations. Shariah offers a way out for sisters that are oppressed and abused. There have been many cases of heinous acts committed against sisters by their husbands. Always seek Allah’s(SWT) countenance first. But, also seek out counseling for both individuals. If abuses and oppression continue, then you are allowed by Shariah to vacate the marriage. There is no evidence in the Quran or Hadith that allows the brothers to scourge, abuse, oppress, violate, or terrorize the most lovely of Allah’s creation, which is woman. Women are beloved creatures of Allah’s with delightful attributes that only Allah(SWT) could bestow on human beings. Brothers, be grateful to these delightful beings that have been entrusted to you by Allah(SWT). How many unfortunate wives are there that only want to please and love their husbands? Life is short, and as sure as the sky is blue, we all will be questioned in the grave. Worship Allah(SWT), do righteous good deeds, and truly love one another.

        Ameen, Ameen, Ameen

      • 52 theheartopener February 2, 2016 at 2:03 pm

        Bismillahirrahmanirraheem
        Walaikum assalam WW
        It seems you are clearly missing the point I was making. No where I gave the impression that the sisters going through oppression are wrong. Just because some ignorant men do zulm on their fellow womenfolk, the women should not be pushed to think Islam is biased towards women as some of the posts reflect in this section. I just wanted to assure them Islam in no way approves such a behavior from men and never encourages rather Allah SWT is the Most Just and Merciful and we should not let shaitan to make us think otherwise. I just made a point to never have bad opinion about Islam and to turn towards Allah SWT for help. Let ALlah SWT help us all to be rightly guided and have good opinion about Allah SWT and His SWT religion. Ameen

  24. 53 Babu February 1, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    Salaam alaikum brothers and sisters
    I have been married for4years now, but my problem is that my wife keeps going out and meeting friends who I do not like, also she always comes home so late at night while I wait at home for her, I told her I do not like these people and also because it’s not safe for her to go out late alone to meet people I don’t know, she doesn’t even want me to meet these people because they speak arabic and I don’t,
    What can I do?

  25. 54 Muslim_Brother March 3, 2016 at 3:33 pm

    Asalaam ul alaikum brothers and sister,

    This is first time I am getting involved in such forum and there is a good reason to it.

    I am currently going through a difficult situation myself in my marriage.

    Both Muslim brothers and sisters are so good defending their rights by presenting their side of hadith and Quranic’s verse in order to shut other up.

    Unfortunately, no one is doing anything to fix the actual matter.

    What I have learnt from everything around me and what Islam teaches me that your life partner aren’t meant to be your test, instead they are your joint force so you can achieve your islamic goals even faster. This is why it has been said that marriage completes ones Imaan.

    Please sister don’t take this wrong way, but the main problem is that our sisters don’t have a clue what are their duties in Islam. They are too busy standing neck to neck with men to be part of outside world. They want to work, and take ownership of everything, resulting the value of their husband decreases. With the value decreases, husband no longer is required or appreciated.

    Sisters, please please please!!!!! Before you look at your rights, please run through your duties, because you guys been given muct tougher task from Allah, which is to nuture your kids and support and obedient to your husband.

    No company can have two CEO, before someone has to lead. Allah has made men a leader of the house for a reason, so don’t take this as a inquality and focus on your tasks.

    When the creator has told us that men are the provider and decision maker of the family then why you argue over this topic.

    I pray that all brothers and sisters understand their role asap, because your Qayamah starts from your grave, which could be just around the corner, so please put your affairs right now, otherwise it will be too late.

    JazakAllah

  26. 58 Yakubu Abdulai May 4, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    allhamduliah

  27. 59 Aminat May 13, 2016 at 7:09 am

    Assalamu alaikum i really need a verse from the quran or hadeeth saying that daughter inlaw is not reqired to do house work for inlaws or serve them and its haram for inlaws to command her. If there is because i had an argument with my brother and i said i will show u the verses for this because i listened to sheikhs.

  28. 61 Laila June 10, 2016 at 11:37 am

    Assalamualalikum. I don’t know how to put this in writing but when I met my husband and before I got married in told him everything he had to know. Whether that was right or wrong I do not know. But I wanted to start a new journey with the truth, honesty.

    So I told my husband to be that I was involved in a relation and I was not a virgin. He was quite upset about and shocked. But I told him that before our family decided to get us married I felt that he should know the truth. Whether he wants to accept me or not but atleast i was being honest.
    After the news I broke to him he accepted me as his wife. So when I came back to the UK I had fallen pregnant and he was doubting if the child was his i toldhim it was but in his voice i can clearly hear he did not believe me. Eventually I brought him to the UK. And things were good but after I started to work to get his stay he started to check on me. Follow to work check my phones ask me questions. Always doubting me I got sick and tired of it and I regretfully committed zina. I eventually told him the truth because I distance myself and he knew there was something I could not hide it. But I asked for forgives he did I explained and I apologised for my behaviour. But the doubt still did not stop. It has come to a point he may have committed zina but he has denied it and now we have four children i have come to a point that we don’t know what to do. We are living we each other but no intimacy, separated beds and he don’t want to talk. Please is there any advice

    • 62 theheartopener June 10, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      Bismillahirrahmanirraheem
      Walaikum assalam WW
      I feel sorry to hear about your situation. Well you erred by disclosing your past to him as that could have been left between you and Allah SWT. Anyways past is past. As far as improving your present situation, I request you to contact knowledgeable and spiritual person who can guide you better. I wish things improve and Allah SWT puts love and kindness in both of your hearts for each other. Kindly send what you wrote to Mufti Ebrahim Salejee at his email ID: mufti@alhaadi.org.za
      Take care
      wasslam

  29. 63 Ayesha June 29, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    In the name of Allah, most gracious, ever merciful.

    The prime message from this group of ahadith seems to be blind obedience to a husband.

    My issue with this is many Muslim men are not good people. They make unreasonable demands on wives and treat them badly. This is particularly true in parts of South Asia, where emotional and physical abuse to one’s wife is commonplace. The number of suicides among women for this reason is awful.

    I think there should be some sort of disclaimer that these hadith only apply if the husband himself is a good muslim who behaves in accordance with the hadith of the prophet.

    Without a disclaimer like this – such articles only perpetuate the ridiculous god-complex a lot of awful men have, and encourages them to treat their wives even worse because they think Allah has given them permission to do so.

    May Allah help all women suffering at the hands of their husbands, Ameen. Allah knows best.

  30. 65 Osman July 17, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    I was about to comit suside because of my wife , I had a very long bead removed it , my wife leaves me with 4 kids and runs away to toucher me , I ask Allah to Gide me . And help me be in deen

    • 66 Amer Al-Maliki April 11, 2017 at 7:12 am

      Al salaam 3alaykom..
      Be patient brother and stay with allah. These are the times fitna and when women become hypnotized by dajjal system.. Almost All the brothers I know who follow deen are having divorce. These are the times. They call it freedom and women power. The hadith clearly states how 99 out of every 100 women will be in hellfire for disrespecting their husband. They will make any excuse so they dont have to obey. They forget allah sees everything. They can lie to you and your family, forgeting allah sees everything. As long as your patient and with allah, he will deal with them justly. This is 7ikmat allah, so be patient and thankful…. I gave my wife everything and treated her like a queen. The second she got her residency, she took my 2 sons and disappeared. I have not seen my kids for 8 months….. its hard but now i smile and thank allah. What keeps me content is knowing allah saw everything …. I see my kids nearly everynight in my dreams…. al7amd walshukr lillah… just be patient brother ….. its happening like the plague … Be strong and stand firm with allah jalla jalalo.

  31. 67 Bilal Markis July 20, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    AsalamuAlaikum my name is Bilal i live in USA and my wife is from Indonesia. We met online in 2009 married in indobesia in late 2011 and she arrived in USA in 2013. I love her but see many things i wish she can change about herself. I feel because she is much more educated than i am that she feels above me but the reality is…..i feel sorry for her because this arrogance can get her in trouble with Allah swt. Alhumdulilah she wears hijaab, she prays all of her prayers too may Allah reward her but some things just drive me crazy. How can one fear Allah when it comes to salat but then not fear Allah when it comes to frustrating her husband. Does this mean she has an Aqeeda issue? I accepted islam when i was 24 yrs old i am now 47 yrs old and i knew Islam is a complete way of life not a pick n choose Deen. I want to make our marriage last but she needs to realise we will all leave this earth soon and face what we did on earth soon. If she only did little things i asked such as respecting what i say and listen more and not try n control the conversation as if what i say is unimportant. I feel i let her talk too much and feel am to blame for allowing her to get away with too much. But if she truly fears Allah swt she would do out better out of love n fear of Allah. Am i right? Also we have a baby boy and some of her culture things make me crazy such as circumcision for our boy when he’s12 yrs its Indonesian culture not from islam and i allowed this. They have a celebration for this….was i wrong for letting her wait to have him circumcised when hes 12? Hes 2 yrs old now. Pleaae just help me with what i asked above i have much more but will ask in time inshaAllah. JazakAllah

    • 68 theheartopener July 20, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      Bismillahirrahmanirraheem
      It is better you discuss this with a learned spiritual elder who will advice you better. In blogs and forums, laymen can be of different opinion which may not help much. Contact mufti Ebrahim saleeje in the link below.
      http://alhaadi.org.za/contactus.html
      Spiritual elders will grasp our issues easily more than what we think and they have better solutions bi idnillah.

  32. 69 Hamid July 26, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    Salaam. Very good post.
    Please write in your post on top in bold and big font “Please read carefully till end before you establish certain opinion about it”.
    Because in the beginning it looks like you are favoring one party but actually you are just putting forth the references.

  33. 70 Muhammad Riaz September 4, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    She said there’s no sin nor angels intercourse a woman who doest share bed and fulfill husband rightous.I can’t belive and accept this .2.she is continuing refused for intercourse and bed sharing even she is not cook any food for her husband. 3.what the sharia said for like this Muslims women. She some time pary too .kindly reply .do I keep her or no .I trying out every day in all good faith ways .help me out .if any one.

    • 71 Paul November 6, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Women don’t have to cook for their husbands…. why don’t you cook for yourself? do you have hands? you must…. you just typed, don’t expect things your not entitled to, maybe that is why your wife doesn’t want to share your bed, because its all about you…..

      sorry but i’m fed up of comments like this, i applaud women who cook and clean to please their husbands and to gain Allahs favour, but its not YOUR RIGHT, a wife isn’t a slave and when you think of her as one, don’t be surprised when she don’t like you any more…

      The prophet of Allah used to do housework, why do you think your above him?, that your superior so your wife should do it?, do your own chores…. stop being so concerned with your own rights…. every marriage will break down, when spouses are all me me me me me my rights…..

      If i had a sister, whose husband treated her as a sex slave/cook, i’d make mince meat out of him, be respectful and you’ll get respect and a wife that wants to treat you with kindness and might even want to be intimate with you!!!!

  34. 72 Neil Castro October 6, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    May Allah bless you who has brought these examples and clear evidences. May Allah bless you all for the great reminder

  35. 73 Shariff October 26, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    Marshallah. It’s really a gold mine. There’s so much to learn and the clarity is unmatched. Inshallah we will always visit to learn more. Jazakallah

  36. 74 Muhammad Riaz November 12, 2016 at 5:13 am

    How many are applyon it. I observed might be very few .if I am honest to say .mine is not .how many times might be thousands and thousands time address this issue with my wife. But none of them she is apply even though she is not share my bed longer then 8 years. Because of my kids I am secrify. But insha Allah’s this and likewise this should be able to appear in the judgment of allahis. Just my self pray for those who are doing this to rebul their self befor the time is over.

  37. 75 Mussa Kenneh November 16, 2016 at 11:22 pm

    What a treasure of knowledge! What a guidance for our wives and sisters! I hope they read something like this and adhere to the teaching of Islam, instead of being on Facebook, Twitter and the rest of it. 90% of our marriages is hanging over the clift because 99.9%of our wives doesn’t care about the rights and obligations that come with marriage. May Allah help us. Ameen

  38. 76 Christiane November 19, 2016 at 1:36 am

    And what about the husband? Only the woman need to do all these? And the men?
    This text is very sexist and disgusting

    • 77 theheartopener November 19, 2016 at 10:30 am

      Bismillah,
      Everyone has right over one another. The man is obligated to be very kind to his wife fulfilling her rights fearing Allah. The Prophets SAW has said the best of the people are those who are best to their wives. Similarly parents have right on children and vice versa. Every relation is bound by rights and duties. Everyone is obligated to strive their level best to fulfill each others rights and mend their ways if they lack fearing Allah SWT.

  39. 78 Amer November 22, 2016 at 11:41 pm

    Jazakomllah 5ayr.
    I endured my wife Reem’s discusting language and disrespect towards me only due to her looking after the kids. After reading this upload it feels good to hear that the best of us the sa7aba endured for the sake of 7asanah. Please prey for me and for me to someday be with my kids. Al7amdolillah

  40. 79 Naila November 28, 2016 at 11:55 pm

    Amazing how ypu have quoted all the types of women with bad behaviour towards thier husband and thier punishment. What about the men who misbehave, drink, cheat, lie dont practice islam etc ?? Ita so wideley expressed th3 duties of a wife and the punishment she will get of shes not a loyal wife and very little its is spread about bad husbands.

    • 80 Amer December 2, 2016 at 5:58 am

      Alsalaam 3alaykom sister naila.
      Not meaning to disrespect you. I think the reason why so many men are commenting about the bad behavior of the women and not about the bad behavior of the man is because the heading of this blog is: 47. A Wife’s Rebellion Against Her Husband….
      N sorry sister not trying to disrespect you.

  41. 81 Sister T December 31, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    I don’t care what sources a you give Islam is a religion of logic and a religion that gives the women and married women more rights then in any other religion. So all these things you have written and claim they are from some reputed source are ridiculous. You will answer on the day of judgement for attempting to write a whole article on how a woman should be submissive to a man. The only person we submit to is Allah and that is fact! A lot of that stuff is demeaning and our beloved Propeht(s) would never say those things so shame on you and if you don’t think you will be held accountable then I will meet you on the day of judgement in front of the most High and we will see then who should’ve been submitting to only Allah and not talking about women like property.

    • 82 theheartopener January 19, 2017 at 1:05 pm

      Bismillah
      I didn’t write the whole article and that is from a book. That’s it. If anyone has problem with it, it is better that they get clarification from a scholar.

    • 83 Amer Al-Maliki January 20, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      Sub7anallah sister T…
      This disrespect you have for our scholars is shameful. You modern day women need to get yourselves in check and start respecting our scholars and submit to the knowledge and law of god even you think you know better. You dont know better . And ofcourse you dont care, cause you have more reason and because your smarter and more knowledgable; yeah right. Allahs laws are allahs laws. He does not put women in places of authority for a reason . If you have a problem with that o’ human then you take it up with allah on the day of judgement. And just remember this hadith of rasulallah 3alayhi wasalam. If i had to make you worship and bow down to something other than allah then it would have been your husband. But ofcourse you dont care about hadith or scholars or thè laws of god which you have to submit to even if your intellect cannot comprehend. I know; You dont care.

  42. 84 Sad January 22, 2017 at 12:54 am

    I don’t trust all of this anymore …..islam is all about how a wife should tolerate and be nice and obedient to her husband ….look the lother way around …my husband has never made me felt love or even kindness or even existence ….all he worries is about is payers and sisters ….don’t I exist in islam ? And he claims that he isn’t doing anything wrong as long as he is letting me live …but u ask you what is life to live when i cook I clean I also make money as much as him and I serve his parents and all he does is read out all hadith and lecture me about how a good wife should be !. He is always if phone or laptop all the tune and when I touch my phone just before I sleep for some time pass … He comes and wants me to see movies with him and if u say I am tried ,he lectures me again about how many rights he has ….and how u will rot in hell….I am not blaming him alone but all the muslim scholars who says all good things for a husband and talk as if women if piece of cloth meant to be used to clean and thrown away …this has filled me with so much hate

    • 85 theheartopener January 22, 2017 at 2:20 am

      Bismillah
      Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. Do not just look at your husband to understand Islam. We all have our own shortcomings and that includes your husband. Many of us are ignorant of our rights and duties and shaitan takes opportunity of this to make us distress. Whatever wrong we do cannot be taken as Islam. It is wrong to blame the Muslim scholars and here is a book of a reputed Muslim scholar who has written on rights of a wife and how is she treated in Islam.
      Download and read volume 2 of the book “Discourses on Islamic Ways of Life – By Shaykh Mufti Taqi Usmani” from the link https://islamicbookslibrary.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/discourses-on-islamic-ways-of-life-by-shaykh-mufti-taqi-usmani/
      Share with your husband too.
      Let Allah SWT remove the misunderstanding from our hearts and grant us proper knowledge of His deen which when embraced brings only peace and harmony. jazaakumAllahu khaira. wassalam

  43. 87 Abigail Trumbo February 4, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    What advice do you have for a wife whose husband rarely communicates with her, listens to her, and is often rude? I don’t think a woman who is married to a careless man, who doesn’t consider how his tone or words or actions affect her, is able to serve her husband the way it’s recommended here. If she’s so often hurt and always fearing more hurt, her job will become to protect herself from her husband, not to please him.

  44. 88 R.L February 8, 2017 at 4:19 am

    Selam alejkum , I’m a sister in Islam , i have bean struggling with my husband , way alcohol adultery , I trying to be very patient .. He is very manipulative , of course Thear is lots of fighting , Becose every time he drinks or dose something that’s is Morally not ethical ,he manipulate the whole situation, to justify himself that what he’s doing is not wrong .. Our life is like a roller coaster I have 3 children two girls and one boy Elhamdulilah .im afraid for my children … The then why I just told you this , Becose after he printed this Hadith and Quran and just give it to me to say that I’m a rebellious wife .. Can you pls respond to this.. P.s he has no interest in Islam basically only wants is beneficial for him . Like this one .. What I’m trying to to is stop munkar

    • 89 R.L February 8, 2017 at 4:29 am

      so please post something for Man who are rebellion agents Allah and thear wife..maybe Allah will Guide them !!!

      • 90 theheartopener February 8, 2017 at 3:35 pm

        Bismillahrrahmanirraheem
        Walaikum assalam WW
        The rights of the wife are not confined to food and clothing. In addition, it is essential to keep her happy. Her happiness is of such importance that the fuqaha (jurists of Islam) have ruled that it is permissible to speak, even a lie to keep her happy. (By a ‘lie’ is meant a statement calculated to make her happy even though it be contrary to fact, but as long as the statement does not infringe on anyone’s right nor does it bring about any violation of the Shariah, e.g. it will be permissible to express love to the wife even though the husband’s heart is devoid of love for her. – Translators).

        This ruling of the Fuqaha is very significant. The importance of
        the right of the wife can be adequately gauged therefrom. For the sake of her happiness even Allah Ta’ala has waived one of his rights, viz., his prohibition on lies.

        -Etiquette of social life by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (RA)

  45. 91 theheartopener February 8, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    A few questions for clarification: The wife has been ordered to obey her husband in everything permissible related to their marriage. What does this mean? A Salafi da’iyee once said that “obey the husband” means that if he tells her to buy Joy brand dishwashing soap, “she’d better do it.” But what if the wife knows that Joy is not very good, that it requires her to use two times as much soap, and that it is a waste of his money or their money? What if she who is doing the dishes knows and prefers another brand? Must she still buy the money-wasting Joy b/c he says so?

    Does “in everything permissible” mean that he has permission, in effect, to be a petty tyrant, even though Islam says that he really shouldn’t be that way? Does it mean if she’s cooked maqluba with eggplant and if he, at the last minute says, “I want potatoes,” she has to cook the potatoes up and the entire family has to wait for the food to be finished? Does it mean if he tells her, “I don’t want you to wear the green socks, I want you to wear the red ones,” she has to wear the red ones?

    What about when it moves beyond dishwashing soap into bigger things? For example, Allah Says that men are qawwamuna over women, etc. but sometimes the man has NO COMMON SENSE when it comes to paying bills, saving money, buying or investing in the thing that is best for the family, etc. What does the wife do here? Does she assume responsibility for paying the bills b/c she knows he will be late and they will be without electricity if she doesn’t or does she sit patiently and do nothing until they are sitting in the dark? Is she allowed to have him turn over the portion of his pay check that goes to bills, rent, etc. in such a case? And to be a means of peace and relieve him of the pressures of his day to day life.
    Does he, by turn, have any obligation to be her means of peace and relief from the pressures of caring for the children and the home all day, maybe even her out of home job, every day, 24 hours, and 7 days a week?

    I hope this isn’t sounding obstinate, but a group of us sisters have been asking these questions for round about 2 months now, and just can’t get an answer on them.

    >>The solution when the husband is oppressive is not in asking your brother to beat him up, rather to revert to other methods which includes advising him with wisdom and beautiful preaching.

    The sisters are wondering… is the sheikh saying that in the case where the husband is abusive, i.e., slapping her around and beating her, she should first resort to talking nice to him?

    Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

    The issues you have raised are very important and should be understood in detail. I will attempt to discuss them in the light of Shariah, Insha Allah.

    There are basically three points you have raised:

    a) What does Islam say regarding the wife’s obedience to her husband?

    b) What are the obligations of the husband towards his wife?

    c) What should the wife do in the case where the husband is abusive?

    Before answering these questions, it is worth remembering here that a blessed and prosperous marriage is based upon mutual understanding and bilateral cooperation. Spouses should strive to make each other happy and take into consideration the needs, abilities and weakness of the other.

    Islam has laid down certain rights and obligations for both husband and wife. However, a sound and prosperous marriage does not work on a set of rules which are reminded to each other. The spouses should not restrict themselves to legal requirements and obligations, but should join hands in making each other’s life comfortable and peaceful as much as possible. They should assist each other in their daily affairs, and in their progress towards the hereafter, with love, affection and mutual understanding.

    Coming to your questions, What is meant by “The wife has been ordered to obey her husband in everything permissible relating to their marriage” is that, she should obey her husband as long as it does not contradict the Shariah, and does not violate her own rights, such as: obeying him in his request for sexual intimacy to the degree that she is capable, not fast a voluntary fast without his permission, not emerge out of the house without his permission, not allow anyone in the house of whom he disapproves, etc

    This does not mean that she has to comply with all his whims and fancies. One should understand a ruling in Shariah in context with other injunctions and principles laid down by Islam.

    Islam forbids harm and abusing other people’s rights. The first thing every husband should realize is that his wife is first and foremost another Muslim. Respect, love and care are the fundamentals of every society. Therefore, if by obedience, harm is afflicted on the wife or her own rights are violated, then she does not have to obey him.

    You mention about the soap and that it wastes money. If that is the case then the wife is ordered NOT to obey her husband, as wasting wealth and being extravagant in spending is contrary to the teachings of Shariah. And anyway, trivial matters like whether to cook a certain dish should not be argued about. A man should not interfere with things which are his wife’s domain.

    You mention regarding the cooking of food. Firstly, a wife is not legally even required to cook for her husband. This is the case in the three schools of Fiqh and one of the two opinions in the Hanafi Madhhab. Now, if the husband comes and asks the wife to cook a certain type of food for him, then the wife is not legally obliged, but the rewards for doing so are great.

    The wife may also pay the bills, etc… The Shariah only mentions that, this is the responsibility of the husband. However, if the wife feels that she needs to take this responsibility for one reason or another, then there is nothing wrong in doing so.

    b) Regarding the second question, surely the husband has many obligations and responsibilities towards his wife. First and foremost he should respect her and treat her as a proper human being. Just as a wife is encouraged to be a means of peace and tranquillity for her husband, the husband is also advised to do the same. It is a two-way thing. Allah Most High says:

    “And He put love and mercy between you.” (al-Rum.21)

    The husband must take into consideration the amount of work the wife puts in by taking care of the household affairs and looking after the children. Surely, it is not an easy job, and that is why there are immense rewards promised for her. He should appreciate her work and at the same time assist her whenever he can.

    c) Regarding the abusive husband, what I said was that there are different levels and stages here. If the wife believes that the husband will stop his oppressive ways by advising him and good preaching, then she should do that. If he is oppressive to the extent that words have no effect on him (and this is known by ones own judgment or past experience) then other alternatives, like mediation of others may be resorted to. If the wife feels that none of these methods will bear any fruit, then she can no doubt ask for the annulment of her marriage, as stated previously.

    I sincerely hope that I have been able to answer all your questions.

    And Allah Knows Best

    [Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
    Darul Iftaa
    Leicester , UK
    http://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/7935

  46. 94 Mohhamed Yaseen Sayid Ghoolam March 10, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    It is sad that people still question about source when knowing that Allah swt word is the truth. And the teachings stated the prophet (s.a.w) that is enough learn your Quran that’s proof alone

  47. 95 Amer Al-Maliki April 11, 2017 at 3:30 am

    Sub7anallah, Many women here comenting just dont seem to respect allahs ruling. They think that they need to understand allahs JJ intellect to accept a ruling.. Faith as it seems is hard to comprehend. We have the greatest of imams study the ahadith and secrets of the quran and yet these modern women want to know why they cannot comprehend such rulings, placing their intellect next to the likes of imam abu hanifa and imam malik and so forth. It seems as though they are not happy if it does not fit with their modern form of freedom. They seem to forget that they are only on erath to worship allah alone and pack their suitcases full of 7asana to ready themselves for the here after. They seem to prey, fast, drink flouride and watch tv. It also seems like some of the women asking these question are actually not muslim or even practicing islam. They also dont sewm to comprehend the topic… because the topic is a wifes rebellion not a husbands rebellion… Its not so hard to understand the women that comment.

    • 96 Sadia June 11, 2017 at 8:21 am

      assalamu alaikum brother, please don’t judge woman’s who commented here by their words. You have to understand that these woman’s are beaten, cheated and abused by their husbands several times and yet they have to live with the person who is abusing them physically and mentally. All they need is support, comforting words and a guidance that truly helps the situation that they are in.

  48. 97 mastan May 11, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    assalamu alaikum, my name is mastan its been 5 years of my marriage but my wife till now she never respect me and say all false about me and my family to her mother and her mother has done humra but then she never guide her with good things she always misguide her and tells not speak with my mom, dad, bro and sisters but till now I never abused her or hit her and I never shout her I always treat her as like kid not even 1 month she stayed in my home for every 2 or 3 week she will go to her parents house and her father alwys shout at me he drink, even though my parents wont ask her any thing why did you do this and all my parents also treat her like their daughter but I cant take it any more, being muslim we have to go according to islam abd obey islam, fear allah but now I want to divorce her,

  49. 98 ShaI Abdul Waheed August 1, 2017 at 7:51 am

    Assalam O alaikum
    When husband noticed wife interested in other men’s not once but 5 to 6times.with different men.
    What action one must take. ?
    More over
    She never accept her mistakes.
    Please guide in the light of sharia.
    Thanks

    • 99 Tarina September 7, 2017 at 1:17 am

      AsSalamu Alaikum Dear Brother,

      I am writing to you from the U.S. These types of sins are not only prevalent in my country, but are fast becoming a scourge even in Muslim nations.

      Many sisters here long for a truly religious man, only to be used as a stepping stone. It is very unfortunate.

      Please entrust this matter to Allah(SWT) and make plenty of dua. Do everything that you possibly can to ensure that you are following Islam fully and offer all sorts of extra things to please Allah (SWT).

      I suggest that you leave your bed firstly. She should be rubuked harshly. Involve parents to help ensure she understands what she has done is very evil and that her very soul is at stake. Be a fine example of the man that Allah (SWT) intended you to be throughout this ordeal. Seek ISLAMIC counsel only. Not secular as they don’t believe there is “sin” involved if you live in a nonMuslim society. If all else fails, leave her with an opportunity to correct her ways. If she refuses, then divorce.

      I pray that you have an answer to prayer and a favorably outcome. Remember…If Allah(SWT) intends for you to be together and to reconcile, then nothing can ever change that. InshaAllah all matters will be corrected.

      I will remember you in my next dua

      May you always be surrounded by the everlasting peace and comfort of Allah (SWT).


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