Worry about the Islaah of Children!

Bismillaahir Rah’maanir Rah’eem. All praise to Allah. May peace and blessings be upon our beloved unlettered Prophet, his family, and his noble companions. I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan, and I begin in the name of Allah, the Mosta Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

1.1  The Tarbiat of Muslim Children Differs from the Children of Kuffar

A Muslim has children, and a kafir also has children. A Muslim raises his children, and so does a kafir, but a kafir raises his children with a focus solely on this worldly life, whereas a Muslim considers both the hereafter and the worldly life. Hence, it is evident that there should be a difference in the upbringing of children between a Muslim and a kafir. When we plant mango trees in a farm far from their native place, we can still recognize them as mango trees. Similarly, when we plant Acacia trees, we can easily identify them by their thorns. However, if the leaves and thorns fall off from all the trees, including mango, orange, or any other tree, it becomes difficult to distinguish between them unless one closely examines them. Similarly, Muslim children should stand out and be distinct from non-Muslim children, just like the trees.

If Muslim children resemble non-Muslim children, then there may be an issue with the way they have been nurtured. Nevertheless, one can still identify a Muslim child from afar, whether they are returning from school or studying abroad in America, as they will exhibit distinct characteristics that set them apart from non-Muslims. There is undoubtedly a distinct difference, for a Muslim always keeps the hereafter (akhirah) in front of them. Unfortunately, in today’s Muslim society, our focus is primarily on the worldly matters (dunya) that lie before us, rather than prioritizing the eternal realm of the hereafter.

1.2  Do Not Make the Children the Instruments of Dunya

Today’s Muslim has turned his child into an instrument of worldly pursuits. In contrast, the pious predecessors considered children as a means of continuous charity (sadaqa-e-jariya) for the hereafter. However, modern-day Muslims are primarily focused on financial gains through their children. This is evident in their excessive spending on their child’s education, even beyond their means. If they perceive their child to be lacking in academic achievements, they alternately provide instruction with affection or admonishment. Their aim is to boast among others about their child studying in a prestigious university, teaching at a certain institution, or holding a high-ranking position. He has completely forgotten how he will face the humiliation in Roza-e-Kawthar tomorrow when the Prophet ﷺ enquires about his children. Tomorrow, darkness will cover their faces out of shame. The upbringing of a non-believer is focused solely on acquiring a comfortable house, indulging in personal preferences, and satisfying worldly desires. They often raise their children to prioritize worldly matters over spiritual ones. However, Muslims differ in this regard, as there will be a distinct contrast.

Today, can one truly identify Muslim children when they are coming out of educational institutes, working in offices, or involved in business dealings in markets? No, it is difficult to distinguish them. When we don’t water the trees, neglect their needs, fail to protect them from pests, and don’t provide manure, they will become dry. They will become so dry that they lose all their leaves and distinct features, making it impossible to identify them as acacia trees, mango trees, guava trees, or orange trees.

1.3  The Pious Muslim Predecessors were Never Proud of Worldly Possessions

Today, due to the lack of provision of eeman (faith), the Islamic characteristics have been eroded in Muslim children, making it difficult to identify if a child has truly been raised by Muslim parents or breast-fed by a Muslim mother. Today, just as a tree is not protected from pests affecting its very root, Muslim children were not protected and are affected by the sins of forbidden love, unlawful earnings, and improper provisions. It is only the unbeliever who solely focuses on how to earn, eat, and drink, finding pride in these matters. However, Muslims have never taken pride in such things, as they were never meant to be a source of boasting for them.

There were two brothers, Ahmad, and Muhammad. Once, Ahmad complained to his mother that his younger brother, Muhammad, doesn’t stand behind him in prayer as the imam. The mother called Muhammad and instructed him to pray behind Ahmad. However, during the prayer, Muhammad discontinued his prayer midway. This left Ahmad feeling humiliated, and he expressed his disappointment to their mother, pointing out that Muhammad initially refused to pray behind him and now discontinued the prayer, which he considered worse. When the mother inquired about it, Muhammad explained that Ahmad’s mind seemed to be elsewhere during the prayer, which made it difficult for him to pray behind him. The mother became extremely worried about the upbringing (tarbiat) of both her children because one’s heart was distracted during salah (prayer), while the other’s heart was preoccupied with his brother’s actions. Neither of them was fully focused on their prayers. This incident reflected the mother’s deep concern for her children’s righteousness and spiritual development.

Today, we have adopted the standards of wealth accumulation, secular education, and obtaining visas to specific countries as benchmarks for pride. While it may be understandable for non-believers to take pride in these accomplishments, it is not acceptable for Muslims. The standard for Muslims is distinctly different, as their focus lies in matters of the hereafter (akhirah) rather than worldly achievements.

1.4  Luqman-e-Hakeem and the Tarbiat of His Son

Luqman-e-Hakeem made tarbiat of his children, and it was so liked by Allah ﷻ that He ﷻ preserved those words in His Kalam, the Quran, till qayamat, implying that this is how the tarbiat of Muslim children should be. What were those first words? Ya Bunayya! He didn’t call him as a son but Ya Bunayya. This word, Ya Bunayya, is filled with so much love. ‘Laa tushrik billaah,’ ‘Do not associate partners with Allah.’ Just as a man of more ghayrah (sense of honor)cannot tolerate associating partners with him in regard to his women, the ghayyoor Rabb cannot tolerate shirkat in His ibadah (worship) and His shifaat (unique characteristics of Allah ﷻ).Just as a man cannot tolerate his wife saying that she has another man as her friend other than him, even after she serves him day and night, Allah ﷻ too cannot tolerate His slaves when they say there is another ilaah (God) other than Him ﷻ, even if they do many good deeds. All their deeds will be destroyed, just like the wife’s service to her husband is destroyed with her words and actions. If someone tells the husband all the good things about his wife, how she washes and irons his clothes, prepares food for him, and obeys him at his mere glance, the husband may still not tolerate her and accuse her of disloyalty. Similarly, a person may perform many good deeds, but if they commit shirk (associating partners with Allah), it will never be tolerable to the Ghayyoor Rabb. Allah ﷻ can forgive any sin, except shirk. So, here is a father doing tarbiat of his child, saying, ‘O my dear son, do not join in worship others with Allah. Innash shirka lazulmun azeem, meaning, “Verily joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed”.

1.5  Place the Azmat of Allah, the Exalted in the Child’s Heart

A mushrik keeps shirk when he doesn’t recognize Allah ﷻ. ‘Wamaa qadrullaaha haqqa qadrihi’ – ‘They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him.’ When a Muslim does tarbiat of children, he first implants the azmat (greatness) of Allah and His ﷻ tarruf (recognition) in their hearts, teaching them about Allah ﷻ, that He is Al-Mumin, As-Salam, the One who gives peace; He ﷻ is Al-Muhaimin, the Over-seeing protector; He ﷻ is Al-Maalik, the King; and He ﷻ is Ar-Razzaq, the One Who gives provision. Such tarruf (recognition) of Allah ﷻ is left in the hearts of children.The mothers used to do tarbiat of their children from a young age with the words, ‘Hasbi Rabbi Jallallaah maafi qalbi ghairullaah, noor-e-Muhammad sallallaah, laa ilaaha illallaah.’ The tarbiat continues by saying, ‘Allah is enough for us.’ When a child is brought up in such a manner, he will never fear anyone other than Allah ﷻ, he will never bow down before others other than Allah ﷻ, and he will never tolerate humiliation before others. ‘Laa mabuda illaallaah. Laa mahmuda illaallaah.’ There is none more worthy of worship other than Allah ﷻ. There is none more beloved other than Allah ﷻ. This was how Muslim mothers brought up their children. A mother’s lap used to be the child’s first educational institute. In fact, well before the child even falls on the lap, Muslim mothers used to worry a lot about their children’s islaah (spiritual and moral upbringing).

There was a ruler named Muhammad in Afghanistan. When the child grew up as a young man, his father sent him to war. The father received news that his son had run away from the battle, fearing the enemies, which worried him deeply. When he shared this news with the mother, she firmly denied it. Later, the father received news that his son had fought the enemies bravely and now, upon informing this news to the mother, she believed it wholeheartedly. The father, astonished, asked her why she believed the second news so strongly while not the first one. The mother replied that when she was assured of her pregnancy by Allah ﷻ, she was so careful that not a single grain of haram food entered her mouth. And after the child was born, she never touched him or fed him unless she was in wudhu (ritual purification), and thus she had firm faith that he would have the quality of eeman (faith). Such was the upbringing of Muslim children.

Muslim parents never made their children instruments of dunya but as sadaqah-e-jaariya for their akhirah (hereafter). Such was the attitude of the parents; they never treated them as mere money-earning machines. Here, a father is advising his son, ‘laa tushrik billaah,’ for a mushrik (one who associates partners with Allah) is never forgiven. Teach the child about Allah first. How fortunate are those children whose first word is Allah, and whose last word, upon leaving this dunya (world), is Allah! And how fortunate are those parents! It is foolish to plant an acacia tree and expect it to give mangoes; you will only get thorns and not sweet mangoes. When the tarbiat (upbringing) is like a disbeliever’s tarbiat, how can one expect that the child will have love and reverence for their parents?

1.6  Allot Time for the Tarbiat of Children and Safeguard Their Islamic Qualities

If only parents would have the fikr (care and concern) of tarbiat for their children today! Many parents don’t even have time for their children. Just like a tree gets dried if not taken care of, even the tree of eeman (faith) gets dry when not nurtured. Do people care about what their young daughters and sons are doing? Do they ever consider if the azmat (greatness) of Allah ﷻ is in their hearts, and the importance of salah (prayer) and following sunnah (the teachings and practices of Prophet Muhammad) are in their hearts? It is possible that the tree of eeman has been completely destroyed within their hearts. Just because a child has Muslim parents, it is not necessary that the child would be a Muslim. One should continuously check for the freshness of eeman in the heart of a child, as well as the type of environment they stay in and the kind of life they are leading. Children are the greatest blessings, and even the Prophets (Peace be upon them) used to pray for children, but they specifically asked for righteous children.

If only parents would have the fikr (care and concern) of tarbiat for their children today! Many parents don’t even have time for their children. Just like a tree gets dried if not taken care of, even the tree of eeman (faith) gets dry when not nurtured. Do people care about what their young daughters and sons are doing? Do they ever consider if the azmat (greatness) of Allah ﷻ is in their hearts, and the importance of salah (prayer) and following sunnah (the teachings and practices of Prophet Muhammad) are in their hearts? It is possible that the tree of eeman has been completely destroyed within their hearts. Just because a child has Muslim parents, it is not necessary that the child would be a Muslim. One should continuously check for the freshness of eeman in the heart of a child, as well as the type of environment they stay in and the kind of life they are leading. Children are the greatest blessings, and even the Prophets (Peace be upon them) used to pray for children, but they specifically asked for righteous children.

Ya bunayya, innaha in taku mithqaala habbatin min khardalin fatakun fee sakhratin aw fis-samaawaati aw fil ardi, yati bihaa Allahu, innallaaha lateefun khabeer.” “O my dear son! If it be anything equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).” The father said, “O my son, lead a life of cautiousness. Even if a sin was committed by you to the size of a mustard seed or committed when alone, in solitude, or in darkness, deep in the bottom of the sea, behind the mountain, or a tree in a jungle, know that even these sins will become manifest before your eyes tomorrow.” This father is instilling the azmat (greatness) of Allah ﷻ in the heart of his child and reminding him that Allah ﷻ is always with him. “Maa yakoonu min najwaa thalaathatin illaa huwa raabiAAuhum, walaa khamsatin illaa huwa saadisuhum, walaa adna min dhaalika walaa akthara illaa huwa maAAahum ayna maa kaanoo.” “There is no Najwa (secret counsel) of three but He is their fourth nor of five but He is their sixth nor of less than that or more, but He is with them wheresoever they may be. Allah ﷻ has put screen on our sins and evils.

Our inner is so terrible but He ﷻ has screened it with beautiful outer appearance. Glory to Allah! But never commit sins with over-confidence on this quality of Allah ﷻ and never be too deceived for if Allah ﷻ lifts this screen, you will become a scene for this whole world. All the screens of nobility will vanish in few minutes and the reality will become apparent. The tarbiat of Muslims used to reflect and show its effect even in the shepherds in the jungle. When a Sahabi (may Allah be pleased with him) wanted to test a shepherd in the jungle, he asked the shepherd if he could give him a sheep. The shepherd replied that he cannot give the sheep, for it belongs to his master. The Sahabi (may Allah be pleased with him) then suggested that he could give him money for the sheep so he could slaughter and eat it, and the master is not here to watch him. The shepherd responded that his master might not be here to watch him, but the master of Dunya, Allah ﷻ, is watching him. We should place this azmat (greatness) of Allah ﷻ in the hearts of our children, teaching them that Allah ﷻ is watching them all the time.

As Muslims, they used to worry about their children’s tarbiat and would allot time for them, taking them to good religious educational institutes. Even today, people enroll their children in educational institutes, but often with the sole purpose of making them money-earning machines and instruments of dunya (worldly pursuits). They don’t even care if the child earns money in a haram (forbidden) way or a halal (permissible) way. The sole objective is for the child to earn money, even if it is through haram means. Children are thrown into such institutes where they learn merely to earn and make money.

1.7  The Powerful Verse of Allah, the Exalted

And those who disbelieve enjoy themselves and eat as cattle eat.” (Quran 47:12). The preoccupation with only eating, drinking, and material pursuits is the way of the disbelievers. In contrast, Muslims used to base their lives on the belief that “Innallaaha huwa Ar-Razzaaq dhul quwwatil mateen” – “For Allah is He Who gives (all) sustenance – Lord of Power, Steadfast (forever).” This verse is profoundly powerful. The worry about livelihood often leads even religious people to compromise their righteousness in the pursuit of wealth and success in the markets. How many parents distance their children from Allah ﷻ due to their preoccupation with livelihood! Allah ﷻ is emphasizing with these strong words, “Innallaaha huwa Ar-Razzaaq dhul quwwatil mateen.” Even the term “Raaziq” (Provider) alone would suffice to convey the message, but Allah ﷻ uses ‘huwa’ to make it even more emphatic. Furthermore, the addition of the Alif-laam at the beginning of “Razzaaq” further strengthens its significance.

Allah ﷻ didn’t stop here but continued with even stronger words – ‘Zul Quwwa’ – and made it even more forceful with ‘Al-Mateen.’ Allahu Akbar! The strength of this Arabic verse cannot be fully conveyed in another language. Allah ﷻ knows well the nature of the nafs (self) and how livelihood can become a fitna (trial) for individuals. That is why He ﷻ advises with such strong words here. If Allah ﷻ can provide for cats and dogs, surely, He ﷻ can provide for His ﷻ slaves. I swear by Allah ﷻ that even if only one morsel of food is written for me by Allah ﷻ, even if the entire world gathers to snatch it away, none can take it. Conversely, if the whole world decides to offer me a morsel of food that my Maula (Master) didn’t write for me, then none can feed me that morsel. This is clearly destined.

Allahumma innee as’aluka eemaanan yubaashiru qalbee wa yaqeenan saadiqan hattaa a’alama annahoo yuseebunee illaa maa katabta lee wariDham minal ma’EEshati bimaa qasamtalee.” “O Allah! I ask You for eemaan (faith) that is firmly attached to my heart and true conviction, until I realize that nothing can afflict me except what You have written for me. And (I ask You) contentment with that which You have apportioned to me of livelihood.” He ﷻ is Hakeem (the Wise), Raheem (the Merciful), and Rahman (the Most Compassionate), and I can’t have better livelihood than what He ﷻ has written for me.

1.8  The Worry of Livelihood and Its Fitna

Today, parents are driving their children into environments solely for livelihood, where their eeman (faith), salaah (prayers), hayaa (modesty), and akhlaaq (morals) are not safe. They are exposing their children to a livelihood that devours their Islamic qualities and eeman, turning them into mere money-earning machines. The relentless worry about livelihood can lead to the destruction of eeman. Allaahu yabsutur rizqa liman yashaao wayaqdiru – “Allah doth enlarge, or grant by (strict) measure, the sustenance (which He giveth) to whomsoever He pleaseth.” “Walillaahi khazaainus samaawaati walarDi” – “But to Allah belong the treasures of the heavens and the earth.” Allah ﷻ has placed the treasures of rizq (provision) solely in His hands. “Wafis-samaai rizqukum wamaa tooAAadoona” – “And in heaven is your Sustenance, as (also) that which ye are promised.” The decision regarding your provision is made in the heavens.

Today, the kuffar (disbelievers) are targeting the new generation of Muslims with the trap of livelihood. They entice our children to their places, promising to solve their livelihood problems. They seek our children’s assistance, as they lack their own youngsters and are predominantly comprised of older individuals. They aim to integrate our children into their machines, making them cogs in the wheels of the kuffaar. Consequently, the Muslims begin to live and die like them, succumbing to their values and lifestyles. They cleverly set up the education system to mold us to fit into their machines and disguise it as a solution to our livelihood problems. However, Allah ﷻ has provided the precise solution for this issue, stating, “Innallaaha huwa Ar-Razzaaq dhul quwwatil mateen” – “For Allah is He Who gives (all) Sustenance – Lord of Power, Steadfast (forever).

1.9  Nurture Children to Establish Regular Prayers

The tarbiat (upbringing) of children is one of the greatest sadaqa-e-jaariya (continuous charity). ‘Ya bunayya aqimi alssalata’ – ‘O my son! establish regular prayer.’ Instruct your children to offer salah and lead by example by joining them in prayer. Our words and advice will have a more significant impact when we ourselves lead a beautiful life. If you wish for your children to become sadaqa-e-jaariya for you, then become a sadaqa-e-jaariya for your parents. The father, like Luqman-e-Hakeem, is saying, ‘Ya bunayya aqimis salaah’ – ‘Establish salah.’ It is not only necessary to offer salah but to establish it, ensuring it becomes a consistent and integral part of our lives. Fawaylun lilmusalleen. Alladheena hum an salaatihim saa’hoon” – “So woe to those worshippers who are neglectful of their prayers.” If there is destruction for those who offer salah improperly, we can only imagine what will happen to those who do not offer salah at all. Sadly, there is a lack of proper establishment of salah among many. People sometimes offer salah, and other times they neglect it. They may pray in congregation occasionally, but not consistently. Some may offer three times a day, while others leave out Fajr. Such inconsistency raises questions about the true commitment to Islam. Scholars have defined establishing salah as creating an environment in such a way that when the time for salah arrives, even those who do not regularly pray are motivated to join and offer their prayers.

Luqman (may peace be upon him) then advised his son to forbid evil and become an ambassador of good, demonstrating great courage. ‘Ya bunayya aqimi alssalata wamur bialmaAAroofi wainha AAani almunkari wasbir AAala ma asabaka inna thalika min AAazmi alomoori’ – ‘O my son! establish regular prayer, enjoin what is just, and forbid what is wrong: and bear with patient constancy whatever betide thee; for this is firmness (of purpose) in (the conduct of) affairs.’ Indeed, becoming a daa’ee (caller) of deen (religion), a safeer (ambassador) of deen, and a khaadim (servant) of deen, especially in an environment where evil is considered good, where those who are meant to preach righteousness may prove to be fraudulent, and where extreme and obscure thoughts prevail, requires tremendous courage. Furthermore, one may face taunts and criticism from people.

1.10        Cultivate Virtuous Character and Morals in Children

In this lesson, the father teaches his son to act courageously, becoming a deterrent to evil and a beacon of righteousness, leading a life guided by these principles. He imparts education (taleem) and teaches good manners (akhlaaq) to his son. ‘Wala tusaAir khaddaka lilnnasi wala tamshi fee alardi marahan inna Allaha la yuhibbu kulla mukhtalin fakhoorin’ – ‘And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster.’ The father advises his son not to scold others or act arrogantly, as Allah ﷻ values humbleness. He emphasizes staying within one’s limits, treating all humans with respect, and remembering that everyone came into this world naked, and it is Allah’s ﷻ generosity that grants more or less to different individuals. There should be no display of pride through actions or words.

Takabbur (pride) is a great misfortune. Shaitaan himself did much sujud (prostrations), but his pride made him cursed. He fell from Allah’s sight, and Allah’s curse fell upon him. Takabbur can arise due to wealth, beauty, or even when one lacks proper tarbiat (upbringing); it can manifest from performing many tasbiyaat (remembrance) and nafil (optional) acts. It is essential not to belittle anyone for their sins, as belittling others is a worse sin than the one they might have committed. Instead, show mercy and compassion to the sinner, gently guide them with love, and avoid looking down upon them. ‘Waiqsid fee mashyika waoghdud min sawtika inna ankara alaswati lasawtu alhameeri’ – ‘And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses.’ As a human being, avoid acting like a donkey by being humble and considerate in your demeanor.

1.11        Cherish Children as Divine Blessings

These methodologies of tarbiat for children are truly invaluable. Only a father who seeks to make his children a means of capital for the akhirah (hereafter) can impart such profound guidance. If there were any father who could teach better than Luqman-e-Hakeem, Allah ﷻ would surely have mentioned his name in His kalaam (speech). No father can offer more enlightening thoughts than this father did to his son. It is indeed a great favor of a father towards his child, encompassing great foresight and wisdom. Such was the manner of tarbiat among Muslims. On the other hand, the tarbiat of the kuffar (non-believers) is entirely different, as their knowledge is adulterated and focused solely on this dunya (worldly life). In contrast, the knowledge of a Muslim is complete, encompassing both dunya and akhirat, and his tarbiat is also kaamil (complete) as it encompasses both worlds. When a Muslim grows with such a tarbiat, he becomes a complete individual. Therefore, it is crucial to consider our children as blessings from Allah ﷻ.

For the sake of Allah, guide this new generation towards Allah (ﷻ) and strengthen their eemaan. Otherwise, if the tree of eeman dries up, nothing will remain. Regrettably, the recognition of Muslim children has declined to a point where they cannot be distinguished among others. Whether at airports or among their peers, when the time for salah comes, no one stands up to pray, and it becomes challenging to identify them as Muslims. The responsibility for this lies with parents. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ taught that when the son of Adam dies, all deeds come to an end except for three, and one of them is righteous children. As long as a righteous child lives and the effects of proper tarbiat are seen in their actions, their good deeds will benefit their parents. May Allah ﷻ protect us from a situation where the improper tarbiat of a child leads to the effects of their sins reaching the parents. Therefore, for the sake of Allah, do not put your children in danger for the temporary gains of this dunya (worldly life), and do not ruin the blessings of having such children. May Allah ﷻ help us all to act upon what we have learned. Ameen.

-Sheikh Maulana Abdus Sattar (May Allah preserve him)