أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
The tarbiat of Muslim children differs from the children of Kuffar
A muslim has children and a kaafir too has children. A muslim brings up his children and so do a kaafir but a kaafir brings up his children keeping in mind only this dunya while a muslim has both akhirah and dunya in his mind. So it is obvious that there should be difference in the children brought up by a muslim and a kaafir. When we plant mango trees in a farm, far from its place we will find out that those are mango trees and when we plant Acacia, one will see its thorns. Now if the leaves and thorns fall off from both the trees and any other tree, then the identification will come to an end as one cannot distinguish between the trees if the tree is a mango tree or an orange tree or any other tree unless one goes very close to it. Just like how the trees would be different, the Muslim children would be very distinct from the kuffar children and if they look alike, then there is some problem in the manner of the tarbiat of muslims or else for sure one can identify from far if the child is a muslim or not if they are coming from a school or they are coming from America after their studies for they will be distinct from kuffaar. There will be a definite difference for a muslim has akhirah in front of him but unfortunately today in muslim’s society, only dunya is in front of our eyes.
Do not make the children the instruments of dunya but sadaqa-e-jaariya of akhirah
Today’s muslim has made his child a instrument of dunya. While the pious predecessors used to think the children as sadaqa-e-jariya for the akhirah, today’s muslim is keen in making money from the children. That is why he spends more than his status for his child’s education and if he sees his child deficient in his studies, he instructs him sometimes with love and sometimes with admonition so he could boast among people that his son is studying in such and such university, he is teaching in certain university and is an officer in a certain place. He totally forgot how he will face the humiliation in roza-e-kawthar tomorrow when the Prophet ﷺ inquires about his children. Darkness will cover the faces tomorrow out of humiliation. The tarbiat of a kaafir is so that they only care that they have a good house, eat what they like, fulfill all their needs making their children instruments of dunya for akhirah is not in their tarbiat but this is not the case with muslims for there will be a clear-cut difference. But today can only really identify muslims children when they are coming out of educational institutes or when they are working in offices or when they are involved in business dealings in markets? One cannot identify them. When we don’t water the trees, when we don’t take care if its needs, when we don’t protect it from the pests, when we don’t provide manure, it will become dry and it will become so dry that it would lose all the leaves and all the distinct features it has until one cannot identify it to be an acacia tree or a mango tree or a guava tree or an orange tree.
The pious Muslim predecessors were never proud of worldly possessions
Today as the muslim children are not given the provision of eeman, the Islamic characteristics have been destroyed from them and one cannot identify if the child is really brought up by muslim parents and if the child was breast-fed by a muslim mother. Today as the muslim children were not protected just like a tree is not protected from the pests affecting its very root; the children are affected by the pests of sins like haram love, haram earnings and haram provisions. It was only the kaafir who thinks only about how to earn, eat and drink and it is only in these things he used to feel very proud but a muslim was never proud of these things because for these were never been the things for muslims to boast about. There were two brothers Ahmad and Muhammad. Ahmad once complained to his mother that his younger brother doesn’t stand under his imamat in salah. The mother called Muhammad and told him to pray behind Ahmad. Now hearing the mother’s words Muhammad prayed behind Ahmad but he discontinued his prayer in the middle. Ahmad felt humiliated and told his mother that before he denied praying behind him and now he discontinued his prayer which is worst. When mother inquired to Muhammad, he told his mom that his brother’s mind was roaming somewhere in the prayer and so how can he pray behind him? Now look at this mother the way she expressed. She became extremely worried about the tarbiat of both her children for one’s heart was roaming somewhere in the salah and the other’s heart was wandering in his brother’s heart and none was concentrated in their salah. This was the standard of tarbiat for they cared more about righteousness of the children. Today we made money, worldly education, getting visa of certain countries as some standard of being proud. When the kuffar feel proud of these things, it is understandable for there is no akhirah in front of them but this cannot be accepted from muslims for the standard of muslims is something very different.
Luqman-e-Hakeem and the tarbiat of his son
Luqman-e-hakeem made tarbiat of his children and it was so liked by Allah ﷻ that He ﷻ preserved those words in His Kalam, Quran till qayamat implying that this is how the tarbiat of muslim children should be. What were those first words? Ya Bunayya! He didn’t call him as son but Ya Bunayya. This word Ya Bunayya is such a word that it is so much filled with love. “laa tushrik billaah”, “Do not associate partners with Allah”. Just like a man of more ghayrah (sense of honor) cannot tolerate shirkat in his women, ghayyoor Rabb cannot tolerate shirkat in His ibadah and his shifaat (unique characteristics of Allah ﷻ). Just like how a man cannot tolerate his wife saying that she has another man as her friend other than him, even after she does his khidmat day and night, Allah ﷻ too cannot tolerate His slaves when they say there is another ilaah (God) other than Him ﷻ even if they do many good things for all their deeds will be destroyed just like the wife’s khidmat of her husband is destroyed with her words and acts. If someone tells the husband all good about his wife that his wife washes and iron his clothes, prepares food for him and obeys him at his mere glance, the husband will not tolerate her, saying that she is not loyal to him. Similarly a man may do so many good acts but if keeps shirk to Allah ﷻ, it will never be tolerable to the ghayyoor Rabb. He ﷻ can forgive any sin but not shirk. So here is a father doing tarbiat of his child, “O My dear son, Join not in worship others with Allah” Innash shirka lazulmun azeem, “Verily joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed”.
Place the azmat of Allah ﷻ in the child’s heart
A mushrik keeps shirk when he doesn’t recognize Allah ﷻ. “Wamaa qadrullaaha haqqa qadrihi”. “They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him”. A muslim when doing tarbiat of children, he first implants the azmat (greatness) of Allah, His ﷻ tarruf (recognition) in their heart that there is Allah ﷻ, Wahuwa Al- Mumin, He ﷻ is Al-Mu’min and He ﷻ is the one Who gives peace, wahuwa Al-Muhaimin, He is the Over-seeing protector, Wahuwa Al-Maalik, He is the King, wahuwa Ar-Razzaq, He is the One Who gives provision and such tarruf (recognition) of Allah ﷻ is left in the hearts of children. The mothers used to do tarbiat of their children from young with the words, “Hasbi Rabbi Jallallaah maafi qalbi ghairullaah, noor-e-Muhammad sallallaah, laa ilaaha illallaah” The tarbiat so goes on by saying, “Allah is enough for us”. When a child brought up in such a manner, will he ever fear anyone other than Allah ﷻ, will he ever bow down before others other than Allah ﷻ and will he ever tolerate humiliation before others? Laa mabuda illaallaah. Laa mahmuda illallaah. There is none more worthy of worship other than Allah ﷻ. There is none more beloved other than Allah ﷻ. This was how the muslim mothers brought up the children. A mother’s lap used to be the child’s first educational institute. In fact well before the child falls on the lap, the muslim mothers used to worry a lot about the children’s islaah.
There was a ruler named Muhammad in Afghanistan. When the child grew up as a young man, his father sent him to war. Thereby the father got the news that his son ran away from the battle fearing the enemies and this worried his father a lot. When the father told the mother about the news, she denied it firmly. The father got the news again that his son didn’t run but he fought the enemies bravely and now when the father informed this news to the mother, she told that now this is the correct news. The father astonished asked her how is that she believes the second news strongly while not the first one. The mother replied that when she was assured of her pregnancy by Allah ﷻ, she was more keen that not a single grain of haram food entered her mouth and when the child was born, she never touched him and fed him unless she was in wudhu and so she had a firm belief that he will have the quality of eeman. Such was the brought up of muslim children. The muslim parents never made their children instruments of dunya but as sadaqah-e-jaariya for their akhirah. Such was the attitude of the parents. They never made them money earning machines. So here a father is advising his son, laa tushrik billaah for a mushrik is never forgiven. Teach the child first Allah. How fortunate are those children whose first word is Allah and the last word when they leave this dunya is Allah! And how fortunate are those parents! How foolish is to plant an acacia and then expect it to give mangoes? You will get only thorns and not sweet mangoes. When the tarbiat is like a kaafir’s tabiat, how can one expect that the child will have love and azmat of parents?
Allot time for the tarbiat of children lest they lose all the Islamic qualities
Only if the parents get the fikr (care and concern) of tarbiat of their children today! The parents don’t even have time for the children. Just like a tree gets dried if not taken care of, even the tree of eeman gets dry when not taken care of. Do people care what their young daughter and son is doing? Do they ever care if azmat of Allah ﷻ is in their heart, importance of salah and following sunnah are in their hearts? It is possible that the tree of eeman has completely been destroyed within their hearts. Just because a child has muslim parents, it is not necessary that the child would be a muslim. One should keep checking if there is freshness of eeman in the heart of a child, what sort of environment he stays in and what sort of life he is leading. The children are the greatest blessings. Even the Prophets (Peace be on them) used to ask for children but they asked for righteous children. “Ya bunayya innaha in taku mithqaala Habbatin min khardalin fatakun fee Sakhratin aw fis-samaawaati aw fil arDi yati bihaa Allaahu innallaaha lateefun khabeer” “O my dear son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well-Aware (of its place).” The father said, “O My son. Lead a life of cautiousness. Even if a sin was committed by you to the size of a mustard seed or committed when alone or in solitude or in darkness or deep in the bottom of the sea or behind the mountain or a tree in a jungle, know that even these sins will become manifest before your eyes tomorrow.” This father is placing the azmat of Allah ﷻ in the heart of his child. He ﷻ is always with you. “maa yakoonu min najwaa thalaathatin illaa huwa raabiAAuhum walaa khamsatin illaa huwa saadisuhum walaa adna min dhaalika walaa akthara illaa huwa maAAahum ayna maa kaanoo” “There is no Najwa (secret counsel) of three but He is their fourth nor of five but He is their sixth nor of less than that or more but He is with them wheresoever they may be.”
The effect of tarbiat in the muslims of past
Allah ﷻ has put sattaariat (screen) on our sins and evils. Our inner is so worst but He ﷻ has screened it with beautiful outer appearance. Glory to Allah! But never commit sins with over-confidence on this quality of Allah ﷻ and never be too deceived for if Allah ﷻ lifts this screen, you will become a scene for this whole world. All the screens of nobility will vanish in few minutes and the reality will become apparent. The tarbiat of muslims used to reflect and show its effect even in the shepherds in jungle. When a Sahabi wanted to test a shepherd in a jungle, he asked the shepherd if he could give him a sheep. The shepherd told that he cannot give the sheep for it belongs to his master. The Sahabi told him to get money from him and give him the sheep so he can slaughter and eat and the master is not here to watch him. The shepherd replied that his mater might not be here to watch him but the master of Dunya, Allah ﷻ is watching him. Place this azmat of Allah ﷻ in the heart of the children that Allah ﷻ is watching them all the time. As the muslims worried for their children’s tarbiat, they used to allot time for them and take them to good environment like good religious educational institutes. Even today people take their children to educational institutes but only to make them a money earning machine and instruments of dunya. They don’t even care if the child earns in a haram way or a halal way. They only want them to earn money even be it haram. Children are thrown in such institutes where they learn somehow to earn and to make money.
The powerful verse of Allah ﷻ
“walladheena kafaroo yatamattaAAoona wayakuloona kamaa takulu alanAAm.” “While those who disbelieve enjoy themselves and eat as cattle eat”. The fikr of only eating and drinking and the standard of such a living is the way of only kuffar. The life of muslims used to be based on “Innallaaha huwa Ar-razzaaq dhul quwwatil mateen.” “For Allah is He Who gives (all) Sustenance,- Lord of Power,- Steadfast (for ever)”. This is such a powerful verse. It is the worry of livelihood that makes the righteousness of even deeni people end in markets. How many parents distance their children from Allah ﷻ because of the fikr of livelihood! Allah ﷻ is making them understand with these strong words, “Innallaaha huwa Ar-razzaaq dhul quwwatil mateen” Even raaziq is enough to emphasize and there is no need of huwa but Allah ﷻ is using ‘huwa’ here to make it strong. Again Razzaaq is a strong word but it is made much stronger with Alif-laam at its beginning. Allah ﷻ didn’t stop here but continued with stronger word zul quwwa and still made stronger and stronger with Al-Mateen. Allahu Alkbar! How strong this Arabic verse is cannot be explained by another language. Allah ﷻ knows well the nafs that livelihood can become a fitna for the man and that is why He ﷻ is advising with strong words here. When He ﷻ can feed cats and dogs, can’t He ﷻ feed His ﷻ slaves? I swear on Allah ﷻ that even if one morsel of food is written for me by Allah ﷻ, even if the whole world gathers to snatch it, none can snatch it and if the whole world decides to give me one morsel of food that my Maula didn’t write for me, then none can feed me that morsel. This is clearly destined. “Allahummaa innee as’aluka eemaanan yubaashiru qalbee wa yaqeenan Saadiqan Hattaa a’Alama annahoo yuseebunee illaa maa katabta lee wariDham minal ma’EEshati bimaa qasamtalee”. “O Allah! I ask You for eemaan which is firmly attached to my heart and true conviction till I realize that nothing can afflict me except which You have written for me. And (I ask You) contentment with that which You have apportioned to me of livelihood.” He ﷻ is Hakeem, Raheem and also Rahmaan and I can’t have better livelihood than He ﷻ has written for me.
The worry of livelihood and its fitna
Today the parents are driving their children to such an environment for livelihood that neither their eeman nor their salaah nor their hayaa nor their akhlaaq is safe. They are making this livelihood as such an animal that would eat all the eeman and islami qualities from their children. Eventually the child grows up to become a money earning animal. It is this worry of livelihood that destroys the eeman. Allaahu yabsutur rizqa liman yashaao wayaqdiru. “Allah doth enlarge, or grant by (strict) measure, the sustenance (which He giveth) to whomso He pleaseth” “walillaahi khazaainus samaawaati walarDi” “But to Allah belong the treasures of the heavens and the earth” Allah ﷻ has placed the treasures of rizq (provision) only in His hands. “Wafis samaai rizqukum wamaa tooAAadoona”. “And in heaven is your Sustenance, as (also) that which ye are promised.” The decision of your provision is made in the heavens. Today the kufr is hunting the new generation of muslims only with the trap of this livelihood. They invite our children to their places promising them that they will solve the problem of their livelihood. They invite our children as they do not have their own youngsters but only old people. They want to run their machines with our help. Our children then become the parts of machines of kuffaar. The muslim then lives like them and dies like them. They have so set the trap with the education so we fit ourselves for their machines and then they name it as solving our livelihood problems. Allah ﷻ has given the solution exactly for this problem saying, “Innallaaha huwa Ar-razzaaq dhul quwwatil mateen.”
Make the children to establish salaah
The tarbiat of children is one of the greatest sadaqa-e-jaariya. “Ya bunayya aqimi alssalata”. “O my son! establish regular prayer.” Instruct your children to offer salah and you also join. Our words and advice will be effective only when we ourselves lead a beautiful life. If you want your children to become sadaqa-e-jaariya for you, then become a sadaqa-e-jaariya for your parents. The father (Luqman-e-Hakeem) is saying, “Ya bunayya aqimis salaah”. Establish salah. It is not just necessary to offer the salah but one should establish the salah. “Fawaylun lilmusalleen. Alladheena hum an salaatihum saa’hoon”, “So woe to those worshippers who are neglectful of their prayers” If there is destruction for those who offer salah, then we can think what will happen to those who do not offer salah. There is no proper establishment of salah. Sometime people offer salah and sometimes they leave. Sometimes they offer in jamah and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they offer three times prayer, sometimes four times and leave the fajr. What a muslim is he! The scholars have told that establishing salah means wherever one is, when the time for salah comes, he makes the environment in such a way then even those who do not offer salah starts offering salah.
Teach akhlaaq to the children
Luqmaan ؑ then advised his son to keep forbidding evil and become the safeer (ambassador) of good and have patience over the taunts and abuse of people for this is a great act of courage. “Ya bunayya aqimi alssalata wamur bialmaAAroofi wainha AAani almunkari wasbir AAala ma asabaka inna thalika min AAazmi alomoori”. “O my son! establish regular prayer, enjoin what is just, and forbid what is wrong: and bear with patient constancy whatever betide thee; for this is firmness (of purpose) in (the conduct of) affairs.” Truly it is a great act of courage to become a daa’ee of deen, safeer of deen, khaadim (the one who serves) of deen and that too in such an environment, where the evil has become good, where a man who is supposed to preach righteousness has become a fraud, where the thoughts have become obscure and extreme and where one tends to get all sort of taunts from people. The father here is teaching the son a lesson to act courageously and to become a preventer of evils and a minaara (light-house) of noor of righteousness and to lead such a life. This is how the father is giving his son taleem (education) and teaching him akhlaaq (good manners). “Wala tusaAAAAir khaddaka lilnnasi wala tamshi fee alardi marahan inna Allaha la yuhibbu kulla mukhtalin fakhoorin.” “And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster”. Do not scold the people, do not act as prideful for Allah ﷻ likes humbleness, stay within your limits, treat the human as human, everyone came to this world naked and it is the generosity of Allah SWT that He grants some more and some less. Let there be no show of pride through your act or word.
Takabbur (pride) is a great misfortune. The shaitaan did so many sujud but takabbur made him the cursed one. He fell before the eyes of Allah SWT and Allah’s SWT lanat (curse) fell on his neck. The takabbur can come because of money or beauty and in fact when one do not have proper tarbiat, takabbur can come because of few tasbiyaat and nafil acts. Do not belittle anyone if you see any sin in him as belittling is a worst sin than the other person’s sin. Have mercy on the sinner, be compassionate towards him, make him understand with love but do not look him down. “Waiqsid fee mashyika waoghdud min sawtika inna ankara alaswati lasawtu alhameeri.” “And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses.” Being an insaan, do not act like a donkey.
Take care of the children for they are the blessings from Allah ﷻ
These are the methodologies of the tarbiat of children. Such a tarbiat can only be given by a father who wants to make his children a means of capital for the akhirat. If there is a father who can teach better than Luman-e-Hakeem, then definitely Allah ﷻ would have mentioned His name in His kalaam. No father can give more enlightening thoughts than this father to his son. This is a great favor of a father towards his son. There is a great prevision in this tarbiat. Such was the manner of Muslim’s tarbiat. The kuffar’s tarbiat is entirely different for their knowledge is adulterated and their tarbiat too is adulterated as it is based just on this dunya. The knowledge of muslim is complete as it is based on dunya and akhirat and his tarbiat is also kaamil as it is based on dunya and akhirat. When a muslim grows with such a tarbiat, he becomes a complete man. So do consider your children as blessings from Allah ﷻ. For Allah’s sake, take this new generation towards Allah ﷻ and towards eemaan. Or else if the tree gets dried and their eeman gets dried, nothing will be left. Unfortunately the recognition of muslim children has come to an end that they cannot be recognized among people. When they are in airport or when they sit among other youngsters, none gets up for salah when the time for salah comes and they cannot be recognized if they are muslim or not. The parents carry responsibility in this. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ said that when son of Adam dies, every deed comes to an end except the three and righteous children are one among them. As long as the righteous child lives and the effect of tarbiat is shown, his good deeds will reach his parents. Let Allah ﷻ protect us from the case wherein if a child’s tarbiat is not done in the proper way, the effect of his sins too will keep reaching the parents. So for Allah’s sake, do not put your children in danger for few pennies of this dunya and do not spoil the children who are such a great blessings. Let Allah ﷻ help us all to act on what we hear, read, write and preach. Ameen